Speed Reads

Blood-suckers

If you want to understand everything that's wrong with Hollywood today, watch the Dracula Untold trailer

If you need hard evidence that everything about the way Hollywood approaches movie-making today is wrong, you'd be wise to start with the new trailer for Dracula Untold.

In just two minutes, you can count off virtually every modern blockbuster cliché in this soulless cash-grab. Shameless exploitation of a popular character that happens to be in the public domain? Check. Needlessly convoluted origin story? Check. Transparent attempt to turn a mid-range actor into an A-list action star? Check. Grim cover of an '80s new-wave hit by a modern pop star? Check. Fake-looking CGI army in a fake-looking CGI battle? Check. Vampire love story? Check and mate.

What about Dracula Untold makes it a story that needs to be told? What is this movie's target audience? Was anyone clamoring for yet another story about Dracula, who has literally appeared in dozens of other movies?

Dracula Untold arrives in theaters in November — but if you're really eager for a Dracula movie, wander into a video store and throw a rock. You'll probably hit one. --Scott Meslow