In preparation for the 2014 World Cup, which is but two weeks away, Fusion TV has put together the "Official Unofficial U.S. World Cup Song," a country-western tune that pays tribute to the U.S. men's squad and its history (going back to 1994, anyway). It begins with former defender Alexi Lalas telling a crestfallen little boy that the U.S. doesn't stand much of a chance this tournament, before segueing into a patriotic anthem composed of lazy violins, twanging vocals, and a bold prediction that the U.S. team will paint "the cup red, white, and blue." America, f--k yeah. --Ryu Spaeth