In a shocking reversal of the Mushroom Kingdom's longstanding support for Mario, Nintendo announced today that it has hired Bowser for a senior sales role.

Okay, okay. Not Bowser the princess-kidnapping King of the Koopas — but Doug Bowser, a regular human being with an extensive background in consumer package goods and video-game sales experience. Despite the ominous name, Doug Bowser has "no relation to the King Koopa and Mario’s longtime nemesis," Nintendo said in a press release.

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Scott Meslow

Scott Meslow is the entertainment editor for TheWeek.com. He has written about film and television at publications including The Atlantic, POLITICO Magazine, and Vulture.