In a shocking reversal of the Mushroom Kingdom's longstanding support for Mario, Nintendo announced today that it has hired Bowser for a senior sales role.
Okay, okay. Not Bowser the princess-kidnapping King of the Koopas — but Doug Bowser, a regular human being with an extensive background in consumer package goods and video-game sales experience. Despite the ominous name, Doug Bowser has "no relation to the King Koopa and Mario’s longtime nemesis," Nintendo said in a press release.
The press release goes on to clarify that Doug Bowser "brings decades of experience, not fire breath, to the new role." No word on whether he's any good in a go-kart.
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