Speed Reads


Upstate New Yorkers are pretty bummed those escaped murderers were caught

Apparently, for many upstate New Yorkers the hunt for prison escapees Richard Matt and David Sweat — who were convicted of murder, mind you! — was the most excitement they'd seen... maybe ever? In fact, some are even a little disappointed the fun is over.

"I wanted them to keep running," Courtney Lord, 28, of Malone, New York, told The New York Times, pausing before amending, "But I also wanted them to be caught."

"I'll give them boys some props. Those boys had some serious testicular fortitude, I'll tell you that right now," raved Lord's boyfriend. "They really gave law enforcement a run for their money."

"My favorite kind of movie has always been prison escape movies, so it kind of played like a really good prison escape movie,” 85-year-old librarian Lofton Wilson told the Times, adding that, "I felt guilty about hoping that they would get away because they were such horrible guys."

A 23-year-old tattoo artist also weighed in, claiming he and his friends had rooted for Sweat to reach the border.

"He must've been thinking, 'Damn, I was so close!'" the tattoo artist, Adrian Sparkman, said. "He should go in the history books, as far as I'm concerned, murder or not."

Sparkman added, "Honestly, man, this is the most I've watched the news."