Yesterday brought an early piece of Christmas coal for every film fan: A sequel to 1946's It's A Wonderful Life is in early stages of production, with a goal to reach theaters by the 2015 holiday season.
According to Variety, the sequel — titled It's a Wonderful Life: The Rest of the Story — will star Karolyn Grimes, who played Zuzu in the original film. This time, she'll play an angel sent to Earth to show George Bailey's jerky grandson how much better the world would be if he had never been born.
It's an undeniably crass attempt to cash in on one of the most beloved movies in cinema history. But before you get too worked up over It's a Wonderful Life: The Rest of the Story, Flavorwire points out that there are already two all-but-forgotten TV sequels to It's a Wonderful Life that did nothing to diminish the original. There are also several reasons to be skeptical that this new project will even get off the ground.
But the announcement got us thinking — what would it be like if other classic movies got the same treatment? Here, 6 soulless sequels to beloved classic films:
1. Vertigo 2: Could it be I'm Falling in Love?
A wacky rom-com in which a grieving Scottie Ferguson (George Clooney) gets a new lease on life when he meets the real woman of his dreams (Charlize Theron). Trouble is…she's a stewardess! Can he overcome his vertigo before she flies out of his life forever?
2. Citizen Kane 2: Every Rosebud has its Thorn
A dark and gritty reboot of Citizen Kane that retools the ending to reveal that Charles Foster Kane (Robert De Niro) faked his own death in order to get revenge on the former political allies who betrayed him after his extramarital affair became public — using a custom sawed-off shotgun he lovingly calls Rosebud.
3. The Lamborghini Thieves
More than 50 years after a desperate father searched for a stolen bicycle in post-World War II Italy in The Bicycle Thieves, his son Bruno (Sylvester Stallone) decides to honor his legacy by gathering a ragtag bunch of street racers and heist experts to rip off a warehouse full of classic cars from a villainous gangster (Javier Bardem).
4. Tokyo Story: 2053
A full century after the events of the original Tokyo Story, the descendants of the Hirayama family are being murdered one by one at the hands of a mysterious killer. Black-sheep daughter Kyoko Hirayama (Maggie Q) — a top police detective — grabs her laser and enlists the aid of a robot sidekick to mount a full investigation before the murderer gets to her.
5. Mr. Smith Goes to Afghanistan
A once-beloved, now-disgraced politician who has been pushed out of office by his enemies (Arnold Schwarzenegger) assembles a small team of mercenaries and travels to Afghanistan in an attempt to single-handedly end the war — and rebuild his political career in the process.
6. It's a Wonderful Life: The Rest of the Story
Sixty-nine years after the events of It's a Wonderful Life, Zuzu (Karolyn Grimes) returns to Earth as an angel in order to teach George Bailey's grandson… Oh, wait, that's already happening. Never mind.