5 reasons not to see Grown Ups 2

In its own way, Grown Ups 2 sets the bar really high. After all, it's hard to imagine another comedy coming along this year that is this abrasive and free of laughs. It's like everyone involved intentionally tried to create a horrible movie... Sandler, who wrote the film with two pals, can't even be bothered to come up with anything resembling a plot. Oh, things happen here and there: The guys anger some frat boys; Lenny's wife wants a baby; and there is a big '80s-themed party so everyone can wear silly costumes and the J. Geils Band (seriously?) can perform. But basically, nothing of any consequence happens. [Arizona Republic]

Grown Ups 2 opens with a CGI deer invading Adam Sandler's bedroom, standing up on its hind legs, and pissing in his face; it ends with Sandler simultaneously farting, sneezing, and burping while having sex with Salma Hayek. In between, the audience is treated to Nick Swardson shitting in a Kmart and making out with a dog, David Spade sensuously licking a female bodybuilder's bicep while wearing a John Oates costume, members of The Lonely Island rubbing their asses on the soapy windshield of Kevin James' car while wearing cheerleading uniforms, and Shaquille O'Neal filling a swimming pool with his urine. [The AV Club]

Like the first film, this one is built upon the seriously misguided idea that five or 10 minutes of sentimental family-values talk can coexist with an hour and a half of burp-snarting and the like. Here, Lenny must contend with the news that his wife (Salma Hayek) wants to have a fourth child; Eric, inexplicably, must keep his wife (Maria Bello) in the dark about how much time he spends keeping his elderly mother company; Marcus must make peace with the thuggish son he never knew he sired; and Kurt ... well, Chris Rock gets to ad-lib one or two funny lines and spend the rest of the film waiting for something better to come along. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Cheri Oteri plays Penny, a mentally ill wallflower convinced that Leonard is her soulmate because of a brief flirtation they shared in the sixth grade. In keeping with the film's bullying spirit, Grown Ups 2 feels the need to give the gorgeous, successful, and accomplished Roxanne a big climactic victory over Penny. That's Grown Ups 2 in miniature: It expects audiences to cheer as its glib, arrogant winners triumph over weird, ugly, creepy losers, seemingly oblivious or unconcerned that Sandler's smug master of the universe is relatable primarily to Sandler and his similarly successful pals. It's the rare film bold enough to take a firm stand against the underdog. [The Dissolve]

Look, obviously, Grown Ups 2 wasn't made for critics. But I consider myself something of an Adam Sandler fan; I even liked last year's That's My Boy, the dud whose failure may well have helped lay the groundwork for this, the actor's first sequel. That much-derided film was a welcome throwback to the disreputable Sandler of yore, who was once at his best when he went broad, playing surreal jerks and man-children. For all his attempts to cultivate a softer, more Everyman-ish vibe (attempts that have been enormously lucrative, mind you), he seems adrift when he doesn't have a shtick. And he's more adrift than ever in Grown Ups 2, more a tour guide than a character, (sleep-)walking through the movie. Actually, all four leads are sleepwalking here, basically playing straight men to the dancing cops and creepy gym teachers and loser neighbors who populate this town. [Vulture]