1. Rusty the red panda tastes freedom
This is Rusty, a red panda who went missing from the National Zoo on Monday. He was eventually recovered by zoo officials, but not before the smiling little escape artist became something of an internet hero.
(Photo credit: Associated Press)
2. Justin Bieber like you've never heard him
"I wonder what 'Baby' sounds like on quaaludes," said no Justin Bieber fan ever, due to the fact that Beliebers are far too young to know what quaaludes are. That said, this is what it would probably sound like, in case you were wondering.
3. A seagull walks into a store…
There's no joke. It's just what happens. (Via Imgur)
5. The Onion hits a home run: "Eminem Terrified as Daughter Begins Dating Man Raised On His Music"
Saying he could barely fathom the thought of Hailie, 17, with a man who ever enjoyed listening to, or was inspired by, his often misogynistic and violent lyrics, Eminem, 40, claimed he was disturbed from the second Denham said he was "a huge fan" of all of the rapper's seven albums. [The Onion]
6. How to filibuster without peeing your pants
Matt Connolly at Mother Jones put together an excellent flowchart explaining how politicians like Texas democrat Wendy Davis manage their body's natural impulses while filibustering for hours at a time. Check out the entire thing here.
7. David Stern soaks in the boos
The NBA commish is finally stepping down come 2014, after 30 years leading the NBA. On the love-him-or-hate-him scale, most fans lean toward hate. And Stern simply doesn't care. That's why this supercut of him getting booed throughout Thursday night's draft is the perfect capstone to a long, controversial, and ultimately successful career. What makes Stern so good at his job is he doesn't mind being the bad guy. (Via Deadspin)
8. Cat of the Week
Put your hands together for Sadie, this week's winner. Her tormentors have placed her in a salad bowl to parade in front of the internet. How cruel. (Full disclosure: Sadie lives with TheWeek.com's Sam Rollins.)
Do you have a cat, dog, or other adorable creature? Send a funny picture to Gayomali@TheWeek.com for a chance to be featured.