1. The Veronica Mars movie is probably happening
What TV show could possibly convince random fans to donate more than $1 million to Warner Bros? Veronica Mars, apparently. The low-rated, cultishly beloved, series about a private investigator — canceled in 2007 — has launched a massively successful Kickstarter campaign designed to raise $2 million in funding for a Veronica Mars movie. Though the project hasn't yet been completely funded, it's looking very promising: The project has already reached more than $1.3 million of its $2 million goal in just just 7 hours, with money continuing to pour in all the time. One generous fan even donated $10,000 for the privilege of appearing as a waiter in the film, delivering the line "Your check, sir." Anyone who wants to replicate that experience without dropping $10,000 can get a job at a restaurant.

2. Olivia Wilde received 17,000 tweets from angry Justin Bieber fans
Earlier this month, Olivia Wilde managed to become the rare comedian who actually said what we're all thinking. "Bieber, put your f---ing shirt on," tweeted Wilde, earning more than 10,000 retweets from appreciative followers — and 17,000 angry replies from Justin Bieber fans, who apparently prefer that their icon remain shirtless. "Someone's going to throw acid in my face," said Wilde at the New York Post. "If that happens there are 35 million Beliebers that did it, so find them." Which sounds like a case for Veronica Mars, so keep those Kickstarter donations rolling.

3. Demi Moore is allegedly seeking alimony from Ashton Kutcher
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore called it quits ages ago, but their divorce proceedings just keep dragging on — and the hang-up might be money. According to The Huffington Post, Moore is seeking alimony from Kutcher "as a sort-of revenge" after Kutcher allegedly cheated on her on the night of their anniversary. But despite her request, Moore isn't likely to get her pound of flesh; Moore is reportedly worth $150 million — more than Kutcher, whose net worth is allegedly a paltry $140 million, despite a continued commitment to embarrassing himself weekly on the super-lucrative schlockfest known as Two and a Half Men 

4. Hawaii passes law so Steven Tyler can walk around naked without being disturbed
Good news, everyone — Aerosmith's Steven Tyler can walk around naked on the beach now! Tyler successfully lobbied Hawaii's state Senate to pass the "Steven Tyler Act," which gives celebrities the right to sue paparazzi over unauthorized photos and videos taken of them in Hawaii.  "Now at least Joe [Perry] and I can go to Maui and walk around naked in the back lawn and sprite some crazy songs," said Tyler in an interview at Today, making us all thankful that unauthorized photos and recordings are no longer permitted in Hawaii.

5. Notorious B.I.G. to appear as a helpful ghost in upcoming animated series
Today in headlines we swear aren't from The Onion: Rapper Notorious B.I.G., who was shot and killed in 1997, is back — in cartoon ghost form. Rolling Stone reports that B.I.G.'s ghost will play a supporting role in an upcoming animated series called House of Wallace, which will follow his two teenaged children as they attempt to keep his Brooklyn studio from being taken over "by a larger company" —presumably because, as Biggie once taught us, mo money means mo problems.