1. Kris Jenner starts shopping Kardashian baby bump picture
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West won't be having their baby for many months, but enterprising businesswoman and perennial mother-of-the-year candidate Kris Jenner is already shopping pictures of Kardashian's "baby bump" to gossip magazines. The picture will likely sell for around $300,000, says a source at the New York Daily News — but will only feature Kardashian, "because Kanye always looks so miserable." In Kanye's defense, he is having a baby with Kim Kardashian.

2. Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris get married
You know what they say: If at first you don't succeed in convincing a woman 60 years younger than you to join you at the altar, try, try again. On New Year's Eve, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris finally got married — 18 months after Harris called off their wedding in June 2011. The Huffington Post reports that the couple wed at the Playboy Mansion in a small ceremony shortly before a scheduled New Year's Eve Party. Out with the new and in with the old, indeed.

3. Snooki resolves to make money, be a better person
New Year's resolutions are notoriously difficult to keep, but Jersey Shore alum Snooki has topped the list with a goal that has evaded her for years: Being a better human being. "I want to make money, I want to be a better person," said Snooki in a video at Celebuzz, failing to acknowledge that she continues to make a living by being one of the worst people on television. "Obviously our main priority is [4-month-old son] Lorenzo," Snooki added, after rambling about herself for 30 seconds.

4. Adam Lambert disses Les Miserables
Les Miserables may be one of the top-grossing movies of the Christmas season, but Entertainment Weekly reports that the film left at least one moviegoer miserable: Former American Idol contestant Adam Lambert, who took to Twitter to voice his complaints about the film. "The score suffered massively with great actors PRETENDING to be singers," tweeted Lambert. "Hollywood movie musicals treat the singing as the last priority." Facing the disapproval of a runner-up from the eighth season of American Idol, the stars of Les Miserables will have to comfort themselves with their mountains of awards nominations and millions of dollars.

5. Rihanna and Chris Brown allegedly spend New Year's Day in bed together
Singers Chris Brown and Rihanna refuse to confirm or deny the near-constant reports that they've reunited — but in the absence of actual news, many entertainment journalists have turned to circumstantial evidence to make their cases. "The singers both posted Instagram photos on New Year's Day showing the same black-and-white polka-dotted comforter," say the detectives at the New York Daily News. "Perhaps a coy way to announce to fans the on-and-off-again couple is back on for the new year." That, or they shop at the same Bed, Bath, and Beyond.