1. Britney Spears reportedly nearing a deal to write a novel
In recent years Britney Spears has worn a lot of hats on her occasionally bald head — singer, actress, reality show judge — but will she add novelist to the mix? The Hollywood Reporter says that Spears is nearing a deal with It Books to write a roman a clef based on her life experiences. Among the lightly fictionalized precedents: Lauren Conrad's L.A. Candy and Snooki's A Shore Thing, two books that went on to become New York Times bestsellers, to the collective embarrassment of the publishing world.

2. Steven Tyler drops an F-bomb on Today
Not to be outdone by Tom Hanks, Aerosmith rocker Steven Tyler dropped his own F-bomb on the set of a morning show today, reports CBS News. "Thanks for coming out, you crazy f*cks!" screamed Tyler shortly before a performance on Today — an expletive that was audible during Al Roker's weather report. It's unclear whether Tyler thought the crowd was "crazy" because they braved the cold weather, or because they were still interested in seeing Aerosmith perform.

3. Mark Cuban offers Donald Trump $1 million to shave his own head
While President Obama has ignored Donald Trump's much-mocked challenge to produce his college transcript in exchange for a $5 million donation to the charity of his choice, the Donald is facing his own dilemma. Fellow multimillionaire Mark Cuban has offered Trump a $1 million charitable donation if he'll shave off his distinctive blob of hair. Cuban called Trump's offer to Obama "one of the dumbest things ever," reports Fox 4 News, even if it inspired him to make his own offer/desperate bid for attention. At press time, Trump hadn't responded, presumably realizing that acknowledging the absurd demands of rich eccentrics is a waste of time.

4. Taylor Swift accused of stealing Matt Nathanson lyric
Could America's country-western sweetheart be a lyric thief? According to Gawker, Swift sings the lyric "And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to" in her new song "All Too Well" — which is, admittedly, an entire tense-change away from Matt Nathanson's lyric "And I'll forget about you long enough to forget why I need to" in the 2003 song "I Saw." Amid the brewing controversy, Nathanson cryptically tweeted "writing lyrics is like pooping buicks [sic]" — another poetic line that will surely appear in a future Swift single. 

5. Robert Pattinson recalls groping Taylor Lautner on Twilight set
Fulfilling many a hardcore Twihard's fan-fiction fantasy, Twilight star Robert Pattinson has confessed to repeatedly groping the muscular chest of costar Taylor Lautner while filming the upcoming final entry in the franchise. "I remember grabbing your boob all the time in this one," said Pattinson to Lautner in a group interview at MTV News. Innocent horseplay, or thinly-veiled attempt to make Kristen Stewart jealous? You be the judge.