Results: Now that several websites have sprung up to rate movies in terms of how suitable they are for children, we asked you to come up with a new index that would provide other critical information for deciding whether it’s a film you want to see.
FIRST PRIZE: Ratio Total Female Nudity to Man Removing Only His Shirt
Difference in Age Between Leading Man and Leading Lady (In Decades)
Barbara Hoffman, Philadelphia
SECOND PRIZE: Number of Bullets Fired from Close Range that Miss Hero
Bill Muse, Seattle
THIRD PRIZE: MBTAA (Minutes Before the Title Actually Appears)
David Klein, Frisco, TX
Likelihood of Being Aired on Lifetime After 1 a.m.
Katie Caliendo, Houston
Morgan Freeman Voiceover?
Keith Preston, Phoenix
Ratio of open-air-market-baguette-and-flowers-date scenes to plot points.
Dana Guinn, Albuquerque
“Whales of August” Advisory: Is the thing in the title actually in the movie?
Stephen White, Boise
PE Ratio: How Predictable is the Ending?
Nancy House, Nashville
How Unintelligible Are the Whispers Used to Heighten Drama?
Daniel Burstein, Jacksonville, FL
Likelihood of Being Remade as a Lame Sitcom Starring Jenna Elfman
Sheldon Sturges, Phoenix
How Awkward to Watch with Your Grandmother?
Robert Thrasher, Athens, GA
How Upset will Your Significant Other Be with You For Choosing This Movie?
Jeffrey M. Walsh, Gilbert, AZ
PPPF (Product Placements Per Frame)
Michael Alman, Las Vegas (and others, similar)
Postmodernism Index: Confusing Non-Linear Sequencing
Mickey Imber, Lawrence, KS
Done Because Robert DeNiro Apparently Desperate for Cash?
William Lebzelter, Buffalo Grove, IL
Surprise Twist Ending Really A Surprise or A Twist?
Ryan Ward, New York City