We asked you for the headline of the next stunningly obvious study and thus we heard, “More Birthdays Linked to Older Age,” “Teen Sex Drops Sharply Among 20-year-olds,” and, “Winter Temperatures Inversely Related to Proximity to Equator.” (This, from Finnish scientists who dutifully flew to Mexico to confirm their findings).
Also: “Females More Likely to Get Pregnant,” “Malpractice Less Costly for Tree Surgeons than Neurosurgeons,” and “Western States Closer to Pacific.” And you won’t believe it but —
FIRST PRIZE: Study Results Often Reversed by Subsequent Study, Study Says
Tim Lanter, Alexandria, KY
SECOND PRIZE: Ten-Year, $50B Government Study Concludes: Government Wasteful
David Robak, Neenah, WI
THIRD PRIZE: New Study Finds Incomplete Headlines Are
Fred Oswald, Houston
Some Studies Less Helpful Than Others, New Study Finds
Daniel Burstein, Jacksonville, Fla.
Birthrate Among Homosexual Males Lowest in Nation, Study Reveals
Richard Perkins, New York City
Studies Prove Just One Apple A Day Will Not Keep The Doctor Away
Jennifer Cipullo, Pittsburgh
Researchers Find Alcohol Drinkers Started By Drinking Milk
Diane Cupps, Plymouth, Mich
Latest Study Determines 8 Out of 10 People Will Believe Anything If You Use a Statistic
Doug Roberts, Lawndale, CA
11 Out of 10 Pollsters Exaggerate Results, Study Finds
Chris Miksanek, Rochester, MN
Submissions for “What Next?” are judged by Lenore Skenazy, who also created the contest. She is a syndicated columnist, humorist, contest creator and founder of Free Range Kids. She has created humor contests for Advertising Age and The New York Daily News, and has written for a wide range of publications and been a commentator on CNBC, the Food Network and NPR. She co-authored the book, “The Dysfunctional Family Christmas Songbook” and the upcoming humor/quiz book, “Who’s the Blonde That Married What’s-Her-Name? The Ultimate Tip-of-the-Tongue Test of All The Things You Know You Know…But Can’t Remember Right Now” (Penguin). Her parenting book, “Free Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts With Worry,” is due out in April from Wiley.
You can contact her at Lskenazy@yahoo.com