Suspected counterfeiter awarded $3.1 million
A North Carolina woman has been awarded $3.1 million after Target employees refused to accept her $100 bill. The cashiers not only declined the bill, they e-mailed Rita Cantrell’s photo to police and local businesses as a suspected counterfeiter. Cantrell’s attorney, Bozzie Boggs, says the store  got off lightly. “Where can we buy back her good name?” said  Boggs. “We’ve looked, and you can’t buy it at Target.”

The 44th U.S. president
A Chicago man has been elected president of the United States despite African heritage and the Islamic middle name “Hussein.” Barack Obama, 47, says there were moments he doubted his own candidacy, given the nation’s racist history. Nevertheless, Obama somehow received some 7 million more votes than his opponent, enough to make him the 44th U.S. president. “Lord,” said Charles Kinsey, 48, an African-American mechanic from Los Angeles. “I just voted for a black man for president. How about that?”