I didn't save my marriage. I saved myself.

Five years ago, I wrote "He said he was leaving. She ignored him." A lot has changed since.

You never really know where life will lead you, but if you live with pure intention and feed what you love with all your might, consistently and honestly… you might find yourself in places you'd never dreamed you'd go.

That happened to me in 2009 when I published the essay version of a memoir I'd written in The New York Times' Modern Love column. The entry point was a marital crisis, but the book and the essay were not really about marriage. They were about being responsible for your own well-being no matter what's going on in your life. They were about focusing on what you can control and letting go of the rest. And they were about powerfully choosing to not play emotional victim to the things that others say and do to you.

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