Will we say au revoir to Mademoiselle?

last updated 8 January 2015

France

“Do we address you as Madame or Mademoiselle?” There’s always been a creepy subtext to that question, said Emmanuelle Peyret in France’s Libération, because it’s just another way of asking, “Virginal or deflowered? Married or available?” Such questions, of course, don’t arise for men, who are uniformly referred to as Monsieur. “Married or bachelor?” would be an idiotic inquiry. To combat this lingering sexist inequality, a feminist association called Guard Dogs is circulating a petition to do away with the term mademoiselle altogether. “The mandatory choice of Madame/Mademoiselle,” the petition says, “means that a woman has to give an indication about her availability, in particular her sexual availability.” Striking the option of Mademoiselle off government forms is a long overdue reform.

What about those of us who prefer Mademoiselle? asked Judith Perrignon, also in Libération. Don’t patronize us by labeling us pathetic victims of patriarchy. The term mademoiselle has evolved as society has evolved, and it is as modern as any Frenchwoman. “A mademoiselle can be a mother aged 30, 40, or older—and she looks nothing like her own mother.” The term now evokes “the scent of a bathroom cluttered with toners and anti-wrinkle creams.” It also goes with “blue jeans and rock ’n’ roll, which no longer belong only to youth.” France has always referred to many of her most revered women—Jeanne Moreau, Coco Chanel, Catherine Deneuve—as Mademoiselle, whether married or not, as a form of “pampering” or flattery. Why can’t the rest of us adopt “the privileges of the stars?”

Once you leave France, though, it’s not flattering to be called “Miss,” said Jane Shilling in Great Britain’s The Times. Here in England it is “the linguistic equivalent of Miss Havisham’s withered bridal bouquet: the badge of the woman who never managed to graduate to ‘Mrs.’” Still, as a single mother, I cling to ‘Miss’ defiantly. Those who try to address me as “Mrs.” are condescending to me, granting me a “faux respectability.” But in France, “I am happy to be Madame.” There is a “certain compensatory glamour and sophistication” to the French term that alleviates the pain of aging.