Coachella feels like a million years ago. But don't put away your flower crowns and ironic T-shirts just yet, because concert season is only beginning. Whether you're going to a giant three-day festival or a one-off night of music, you will be surrounded by throngs of people, most of them doing annoying things. Don't be like them. Follow these simple rules to ensure that you don't become that guy — you know, the one who makes everyone collectively roll their eyes as he spills his drink everywhere, blocks your view, and screams the wrong lyrics right in your ear.
1. Put your phone away
At the last concert I went to, the second the band came onstage, it felt like every single person in the audience whipped out their phone to take photos and record videos. It was impossible to see past their enormous screens, and the most infuriating part was, none of their photos or videos were good. There's no way you can be the second coming of Ansel Adams in a dark, cramped venue surrounded by people who forgot to turn their flashes off. Unless you magically have an iPhone 12 that has a tiny DSLR camera inside, your photos are not going to be worthy of posting, and you are never going to want to watch that grainy, eight-second video ever again. Snap a few pictures at the start of the show if you must, then slip your phone in your pocket and pretend it doesn't exist.
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2. Be nice to the people around you
You don't need to start a full-blown conversation with that guy to your left. No need to ask the lady in front of you what she thinks about police brutality and what we should do about ISIS. But at least smile if you catch someone's eye, and apologize if you accidentally bump into them. You have to spend the next few hours sharing a tiny amount of space with these people, and it will be much more enjoyable if you're all at least civil to one another.
3. Don't touch people you don’t know
If you are trying to get through a crush of people, you will innocently brush up against some of them. That's completely understandable, and most people won't mind. What's not okay is to grab a person and physically move them, or touch them and let your hand linger. If you need to get through, politely say, "Excuse me." If that doesn't work, a tap on the shoulder will do. Anything beyond that is harassment.
4. Practice good hygiene
Here in California, we are suffering through a drought. But bathing isn't illegal yet, and we still have ample supplies of antiperspirant. It doesn't matter if a concert is indoors or out, you will get sweaty. You will also get other people's sweat on you. Although it's inevitable, it is definitely less gross when you take a shower beforehand and put on a good amount of deodorant — you'll sweat less and won't subject the people around you to questionable smells.
5. Don't expect to get the perfect spot when you show up late
You cannot come to a concert two seconds before the main act takes the stage and think you can snag a spot in the front row. Well, you can think that, but you will inevitably get punched in the face and miss the entire show. Think about all of the people who got to the venue hours ahead of time, whose experience you are ruining as you try to squeeze your way in. It's beyond rude. Even if you have assigned seats, it's not fun showing up to a dark venue and trying to find your chair with minimal light and irritated people who don't want to let you pass. Try to get to the show before the opening band starts, even if it's just a few minutes early. It will make for a much less stressful experience.
6. Don't let your voice drown out the singer
Singing along at a concert is fine. But your fellow attendees did not pay good money to hear you warble. Keep your voice low, and don't even think about showing off your range. This is not The Voice, and Blake Shelton is not going to appear out of nowhere in a chair and spin around, begging you to be on his team.
7. Take a few sips of your drink right after you buy it
When dealing with beverages that don't have lids, protect your precious cargo by taking several sips right after you make your purchase. Otherwise, it will slosh around as you make your way through the crowd, you will waste a ton of money, and people who are in the splash zone will be annoyed. No one is thrilled to be covered in about $100 worth of beer.
8. Don't pretend you're too cool to care
Some people don’t like to show enthusiasm in public, because caring about things is lame (or something). If you find yourself at a concert with your arms crossed, shooting looks of disdain at people genuinely having a good time while thinking you're better than everyone, you should probably leave. It's best to take your blasé attitude elsewhere.
Oh, and did I mention...
Put your phone away
Yes, I know, I already said this. But I really, really mean it. You will enjoy the concert so much more if you leave your phone in your pocket. I have been to a lot of amazing concerts, but I will never forget my first show: No Doubt at the Glasshouse in Pomona, California. I was 15, they were my favorite band, and I was in one of the smallest venues they ever played. This was back in 1999, when you watched concerts with your eyes and not through a phone screen. I still remember how it felt to jump up and down with my friends to "Just a Girl," sing "Happy Birthday" to Gwen Stefani in honor of her 30th birthday, and listen to previews of the songs that would come out on Return of Saturn. I don't have any photographic evidence that I had a fantastic time, and I've somehow managed to survive. You can, too.
