Stop asking new parents how their baby is sleeping

Find something — anything — else to talk about

A crying baby.
(Image credit: Illustrated | Halfpoint/iStock, Tatomm/iStock)

A few months ago, I had a baby. Since giving birth, suddenly everyone seems extremely interested in my circadian rhythms: "How much are you sleeping?" has been the main line of inquiry — from friends, acquaintances, and family. Even strangers seem eager to know how tired I am.

At first, I thought this was a benign concern from people who were genuinely worried about my well-being. But I've since learned this is a loaded question, just like "Are you breastfeeding?" And there are no good answers. That's because the sleep question is a proxy for so many personal corners of our lives, from money to interpersonal dynamics with one's partner. And even when it's asked out of innocence and concern, it can end up inadvertently shaming parents for whatever choices they are making at bedtime.

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Hannah Seligson

Hannah Seligson is a New York City-based journalist. Her works has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and Forbes among other publications.