Urban legend has it that Ernest Hemingway was responsible for the shortest tragedy ever, a six-word story reading: “For sale, baby shoes, never worn.” Fans of the England football team, though, will have shivers running down their collective spines at an entirely different, more evocative handful of words.
England. Germany. Major tournament. Penalties.
Tension turning slowly to devastation, stopping off once or twice at hope before crashing down into numbing inevitability. All in one word fewer – but to be fair, Hemingway was a hack.
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Aidy Boothroyd's England Under-21 side slid out of the European Championship on Tuesday night when Nathan Redmond gave Julian Pollersbeck the easiest of saves at the end of a dramatic penalty shoot-out, having earned a hard-fought 2-2 draw over 120 minutes in Tychy, Poland. There were some positives to take from the tournament, though: the Young Lions reached the knockout stages of the biennial summer tournament for the first time since being seen off in the final of the 2009 edition by, yes, Germany again.
While the likes of Redmond, Tammy Abraham and Jordan Pickford comb the wreckage of their campaign for positives, we look back at the fortunes of the team who played the 2009 final to see what fate might befall the current crop.
Goalkeeper: Scott Loach
Now at his 19th club at the age of just 29 after signing for National League newcomers Hartlepool. Never played top-flight football.
Right-back: Martin Cranie
Set to add to his six Premier League appearances with Huddersfield this season.
Left-back: Kieran Gibbs
Ten senior caps for England, more than 100 Premier League appearances for Arsenal and three FA Cup wins.
Centre-back: Micah Richards
Two Premier League titles and a handful of England caps for the man once described by Stuart Pearce as the most talented player in England's youth set-up. Now at Aston Villa.
Centre-back: Nedum Onuoha
Pushed out of Manchester City when the cash began to roll in, but has since survived eight managers at QPR.
Defensive midfield: Fabrice Muamba
Retired at the age of 24 after suffering a cardiac arrest while playing for Bolton an FA Cup game against Tottenham. Now attempting to carve out a media career.
Central midfield: Lee Cattermole
Set to play outside the top flight for the first time in his senior career after Sunderland's relegation. Never won a full England cap.
Central midfield: Mark Noble
More Premier League appearances than any other West Ham player, but the captain at the London Stadium remains capless at the age of 30.
Right wing: James Milner
Comfortably the most successful of this crop, Milner has claimed the League Cup, the FA Cup, two Premier Leagues and 61 England caps in an excellent career.
Left wing: Adam Johnson
In prison following a well-publicised court case.
Striker: Theo Walcott
A decade-long career with Arsenal, the obligatory Gunners' handful of FA Cup winner’s medals, and 47 England caps mean Walcott has far from flopped.
Subs: Michael Mancienne (Nottingham Forest, never played top-flight football), Jack Rodwell (Sunderland, went 39 consecutive Premier League games without a win), Craig Gardner (Birmingham, see Cattermole, Lee).
