Pop star turns down offer of sex from alien

Eighties pop star Andy Bell claims he once turned down an offer of sex from an alien. The Erasure singer says he was paid an erotic visit by 1,000 spaceships and “flying angels” one night. Explaining why he turned down the steamy offer, he said: “I just thought I’m not quite ready for it yet, because they are all sexualities, all together, all mixed up, and they’ve got like one tentacle.”

Cat destroys model man spent a week building

A man spent more than a week building a 2,432 piece model of the Japanese manga series character Doraemon only to see his cat destroy it in seconds. Posting a photograph of the destroyed model online, the man added the caption: “I will kill you.” But he confirmed the following day that man and cat had put aside their differences.

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Human finger appears in Primark sock

Mystery continues to surround why a human finger bone turned up in a pair of socks in Primark’s Colchester branch. Essex Police say they have been unable to find any information about the peculiar find, and have closed their inquiry. A spokesman for the chain said: “Primark sincerely apologises to the customer who found the item for any distress caused.”

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