Speed Reads

Christ heist

Nativity baby Jesuses are now armed with GPS trackers

Apparently stealing the baby Jesus out of the church's manger set-up is such a rampant problem that a security company has come up with a solution — plant trackers on the Son of God.

This holiday season, Brickhouse Security is reportedly providing GPS trackers for free to any church worried for the safety of its little plastic bundle of joy. The company has actually run the program for years, but demand has increased recently.

A GPS-equipped Jesus will alert the church's clergy via text if it moves in the slightest. Should it actually travel beyond a pre-determined location, another text is sent. At that point, the elected manger manager can pull up a map and either follow in Christ's footsteps, or call the police (Brickhouse recommends the latter).

So this Christmas, keep your paws off the manger, you filthy animal.