Speed Reads

Ferris Bueller these people aren't

28 percent of American workers played hooky last year — and some of their excuses were terrible

CareerBuilder.com has conducted its annual survey of employees and managers to find the worst excuses for missing work — and from the looks of the results, whatever lying skills we lack are more than made up for with fanciful imaginations.

Twenty-eight percent of us called in sick to play hooky last year, down from 32 percent in 2012. Among hiring managers, only 31 percent actually took the step of verifying an employee's illness was legitimate, suggesting most workers haven't violated their boss' trust enough to garner too much scrutiny. But some of the excuses proffered to managers were doozies. From the CareerBuilder press release:

When asked to share the most dubious excuses employees have given for calling in sick, employers reported hearing the following real-life examples:

1. Employee just put a casserole in the oven.

2. Employee's plastic surgery for enhancement purposes needed some "tweaking" to get it just right.

3. Employee was sitting in the bathroom and her feet and legs fell asleep. When she stood, up she fell and broke her ankle.

4. Employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.

5. Employee woke up in a good mood and didn't want to ruin it.

6. Employee had a "lucky night" and didn’t know where he was.

7. Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn't get out.

8. Employee had a gall stone they wanted to heal holistically.

9. Employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.

10. Employee accidentally got on a plane.

While any of these events could have happened (who hasn't hit a lucky streak at the craps tables late on a Sunday eve), chances are if you try to pull a fast one like this you'll have way more than one day off.