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Charlie Sheen went on a long, weird Twitter rant about Rihanna

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It's been a while since famed tiger-blood-haver Charlie Sheen went on a Twitter rant — but his latest, which is directed at Rihanna, certainly attempts to make up for lost time. What happened on the magical, 11 million-to-one evening when Sheen and his coterie encountered Rihanna at a restaurant? Let Uncle Charlie spin you a long, inexplicably spaced tale:

I sent a request over to her table to introduce my fiancéScotty to her, as she is ahuge fan.

(personally I couldn't pick her out of a line-up at gunpoint)

well, the word we received back was that there were toomany paps outside and it just wasn't possible at this time.

[…]

no biggie for me; it would have been 84 interminable seconds of chugging Draino and"please kill me now"that I'd never get back.

My Gal, however,was NOT OK with it.Nice impression youleft behind, Bday or not.Sorry we're not KOOL enoughto warrant a blessing fromthe Princess.(or in this casethe Village idiot)

Sheen goes on to praise himself for 31 years of "good will and common courtesy" — except for this Rihanna rant, and all those other times he cursed out his employers and costars on Twitter. If you haven't had enough yet, you can read the full thing here.