Speed Reads

The more you know

This kid-friendly Defense Department video cheerfully explains how the military kills 'bad guys'

Air strikes don't seem nearly as scary when rendered in 2-D animation. That's one apparent lesson of the Department of Defense's disturbingly chipper new video, which describes each branch of the military in Schoolhouse-Rock-worthy cartoon form.

After opening with a Hollywood elite sadly dropping his scoop of ice cream as he arrived at his war-themed movie premiere, the video chugs along with a jazzy little tune to give the real scoop on the armed forces. The Army, according to the narrator, uses "people, tanks, helicopters, and vehicles to fight and defeat bad guys on land." The Navy, on the other hand, is "all about the water." A fierce looking pirate, looking fit for a LEGO set, is then taken down by the Marine Corps, which is apparently "a bad guy's worst nightmare."

A shift to electronic dance music begins as the video lauds the Air Force for "making sure no one surprises us" here in the United States. Overseas, though, pilots are taking on those pesky "bad guys," gleefully dropping explosives on a desert that is, in the animation at least, empty. The Air Force pilot flashes a quick thumbs up before flying away to continue protecting "the air, space, and cyberspace."

The "bad guys" appear yet again, with peppy elevator music in full swing, to take on the Coast Guard. Alas, the maritime members of the military are "a drug dealer's worst enemy," and quickly thwart the criminal's plan to smuggle illegal things into the U.S. Watch the video below to get a bewilderingly goofy explanation of the military, straight from the Pentagon itself. Summer Meza