Speed Reads

Last night on Late Night

Late night hosts gawk at the decidedly not-sober way Trump and Rudy Giuliani commemorated 9/11

"Saturday of course was the 20th anniversary of 9/11," Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Late Show. "Presidents Clinton, Obama, and Biden appeared together at Ground Zero; George W. Bush spoke in Shanksville, Pennsylvania; and one former president did color commentary for a pay-per-view boxing match that did not last an entire round. Was that Jimmy Carter? It was not Carter. We'll never know who it was."

"We also heard from former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani," Colbert said. "In his speech, Giuliani focused on what's important from that day: Making fun of how Queen Elizabeth reacted to his handling of the tragedy. ... If you want to see more of Rudy's Queen Elizabeth, you can catch him in the upcoming Netflix series The Clown." 

"Rudy's rambling 9/11 speech led many to speculate that he was 'drunk out of his mind,'" Colbert said. "Well, nice to know he's cutting back. Of course, Rudy didn't dignify these accusations with a response — he dignified them with many," explaining why he's not really an alcoholic, or maybe a "functional" one, or something.

"Look, I'm not saying Rudy was drunk, but that's usually when guys from Brooklyn start trying to imitate the queen of England," Seth Meyers said at Late Night. "I guess Rudy can add this tape to his reel of impressions if he ever auditions for America's Not Talent."

Again, "for the record, Rudy would like everyone to know he was definitely not drunk," Meyers said, "and he let everyone know in a way that's very uncharacteristic of drunk guys — he gave a series of long, rambling answers in which he repeated himself and made no sense."

"Oh man, only Rudy can spend the 9/11 anniversary talking about the time he hung out with Jeffrey Epstein's alleged pedophile friend," Trevor Noah laughed at The Daily Show. "You know your speech went off the rails when people watching it are like, 'I wish this guy would talk more about 9/11.'"

And while all the other presidents were soberly memorializing the anniversary, "Donald Trump spent 9/11 doing live commentary for a boxing match," Noah said. "And look, I'm not judging Trump. I'm happy anytime an unemployed person finds work, and I would definitely rather have him at a boxing match instead of hosting a memorial ceremony," but "how is this his life?" 

Tooning Out the News had more from Giuliani's speech, which it turned into a Nobel-winning metaphor.