Once a month, in countries from Afghanistan to Zimbabwe, people are gathering to eat cake and talk about the typically taboo topic of death.
At Death Cafes, said Emma Freud in The Times, people with a range of interests in the subject come together to discuss "the end of life experience in any of its forms", in what is widely viewed as part of the "death positive" movement.
Death Cafes were founded by the late Jon Underwood and his mother, Sue Barsky Reid, a psychotherapist. They were inspired by the work of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz, who had developed a project called Café Mortel, where people would gather to talk about death.
The four rules of Death Cafes The first Death Cafe in the UK was held at Underwood's home in Hackney, east London, in September 2011. More were then held in places including "funky cafes, people's houses, cemeteries, a yurt and the Royal Festival Hall", said the Death Cafe website.
The four rules are that Death Cafes are offered on a not-for-profit basis; in an accessible, respectful and confidential space; with no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action; and that cake is offered.
There have now been more than 18,000 groups worldwide, but "they seem to be most prevalent in countries where people are uptight about the subject", said Freud, and "hence we have more than 3,400 in the UK".
A freeing space to talk Visiting a Death Cafe in London, Freud found that "there were no formal objectives" or "grief counselling", but there was "tea and, naturally, cake – that great lubricant of awkwardness". The discussion was "riveting" and free of "small talk". A woman with terminal cancer spoke and "because we were strangers, her words had no consequences she would need to deal with, and that seemed to set her free".
Attendees will "seamlessly switch" between "sombrely discussing subjects like the difference between suicide and medical aid-in-dying" to "joking about the sayings they'd want written on their tombstones", said The Huntington News.
After joining a Death Cafe in Willesden, northwest London, The Jewish Chronicle's Gaby Wine said it was "heart-warming" that "while not everyone agrees with one another, everyone shows great respect". And, despite the subject matter, the chat was "surprisingly jolly".
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