The New York Times writer Tara Parker-Pope pulled together the science behind nuptial bliss in her book For Better. Here's her seven-point recipe for a happy, long-lasting marriage:
1. Celebrate good news
Turns out divorce isn't as much about increased negative things as it is about decreasedpositive things:
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What to do? Celebrate the good moments more, suggests Parker-Pope:
(Here's the best way to react to your spouse's good news.)
2. Five to one
How many good moments do you need to make up for the bad ones? Research has a ratio for you: Five to one. You don't need to count every single positive and negative but if they're nearly equal, your chance of divorce shoots way up.
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More and more people are told their expectations for marriage are too high. Research says the reverse: People who expect more, get more. Don't settle for a second-rate marriage.
4. Stay close to family and friends
Today marriage has become a two person cocoon that we expect to get all our support and intimacy from. That's not healthy or realistic. Keep friends and family in the loop. Your marriage should be your primary relationship — not your only one.
Research shows most people's happiness eventually returns to their natural baseline, even after very positive events like a wedding. Happiness lies within the individual and expecting a spouse to change that forever is unrealistic and unfair.
(You can rise above your baseline — but most people don't do it right. Here's howto get happier.)
6. Have more sex
Over the course of a marriage, desire can lessen. Despite this, sex is healthy and has all kinds of biological and emotional benefits that should not be ignored.
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