Last week's question: A Tennessee lawyer is suing Apple on the grounds that the company failed to warn him that watching porn on Apple devices would give him unrealistic expectations of sex and leave him desiring "younger, more beautiful girls" instead of his wife, "who is no longer 21." (His wife has left him.) Who else should he sue?
Results:
THE WINNER: His mother, for giving birth to a knucklehead
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Gregory Castillo, Yuma, AZ
SECOND PLACE: Ponce de Leon, for failing to find the Fountain of Youth
Dave Whiddon, Wadsworth, TX
THIRD PLACE: The state of Tennessee, for allowing him to pass the bar exam
Carla Holtz, Stanardsville, VA
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
The FDA, for not posting expiration dates on wives
Larry Fish, New York City
Forever 21 clothing store, for false advertising
Sonja Amadae, Columbus, OH
His wife, for no longer being 21
Robert Louis Perea, New York City
His broadband company, for providing enough speed to watch videos
Ashley Kent, Patrick Air Force Base, FL
Congress, for not banning the aging process
Dick LaVine, New York City
His lawyer, for losing his case
Jeffrey Contompasis, Ashburn, VA
Himself, for age discrimination
Michael Giannotta, Marietta, GA
His law school, for giving him his degree
Ken Schroeder, Los Altos Hills, CA
God, for aging his wife
Peggy Fletcher, Santa Barbara, CA
Charles Babbage, for inventing the first computer
Paul Binder, Bellevue, WA
The porn sites, for giving him carpal tunnel
Robert H. Kleinkauf, Greenfield, MA
His wife's parents, for having her too soon
Judy Baber, Maumee, OH
Victoria and her "Secret," for misleading him into believing everyone should look like a supermodel
Rafael Maletti, Jackson Heights, NY
The Wizard of Oz, for not having given him a brain
Daniel Gandor, Chicago, IL
His optometrist, for failing to warn him that 20/20 vision would make the difference between his wife and 21-year-old women obvious
Teresa Swenson, Mount Olive, IL
Every female who is younger and more beautiful than his wife, for being part of the problem
John Becker, Whippany, NJ
His torts professor, for allowing him to pass with such a pathetic understanding of responsibility and liability
Roy Lasris, Seaford, Va.
His electric company, for supplying the power to his Apple device that allowed him to watch porn
Lindsay Weiss, Cheshire, CT
The manufacturer of his mirror, for failing to warn him that he would look like an idiot
Katie Herzog, Los Angeles, CA
Hallmark, for promoting birthdays
Gabrielle Heyel, Pittsgrove, NJ
Al Gore, for inventing the Internet
Karen Milliorn, Las Cruces, NM
How to find cheaper car insurance as premiums accelerate
What to know when planning an awe-inspiring hike on the Inca Trail
Lead poisoning remains a threat
