1. Adam Levine promises he doesn't hate America
On Tuesday night, viewers of NBC's The Voice were surprised to hear Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine mutter, "I hate this country" after two of the singers he had been coaching were eliminated from the reality competition by voters. Patriotic outrage ensued, and Levine quickly backtracked. "I obviously love my country very much and my comments last night were made purely out of frustration," Levine told Us Weekly. Try not to be too hard on Levine; it's clear that his love for his singers had taken its toll on him.

2. Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus have allegedly called off their engagement
Hope you're sitting down, everybody: After months of rumors that their relationship was in trouble, Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth have allegedly called off their engagement. Us Weekly reports that Cyrus recently told a friend that she and Hemsworth are done for good, though the crack team at HollywoodLife notes that Cyrus has not yet returned her engagement ring, so keep those fingers crossed. The status of Hemworth's relationship with Hannah Montana, Cyrus' mysterious doppelganger, remains unclear.

3. Neil Patrick Harris is hosting the Emmys
Perhaps learning from the near-instant backlash against Academy Awards host Seth MacFarlane and his "We Saw Your Boobs" routine, CBS has selected the safest host imaginable: Neil Patrick Harris, who hosted the ceremony the last time it was on the network, and who's already scheduled to host the Tony Awards in June. "What perfect timing — I'll just do the exact same script I'm about to use for the Tonys," said Harris in a statement. "'And the Emmy for Best Revival of a Musical goes to Breaking Bad!'" There you have it: The kind of inoffensive, vaguely chuckle-worthy humor we can expect from the show.

4. Justin Bieber is being investigated for reckless driving
Pint-sized pop star Justin Bieber is being investigated over a possible reckless driving charge, following numerous complaints from his neighbors in a Los Angeles gated community. In an interview, sheriff's department spokesman Steve Whitmore cited "definitive" eyewitness testimony, adding that the Biebs "declined to talk to us based on the advice of counsel" — preferring, we presume, his usual method of tweeting and Instagramming all his grandiose public statements instead.

5. Victoria's Secret likes Kate Upton now that everybody else does, too
If you run into Kate Upton, don't congratulate her on her new Victoria's Secret appearance. A photo of Upton in a black Victoria's Secret bra, which was actually taken in 2011, was reused without consulting Upton first — and despite the company publicly insulting her just a year ago. "We would never use Kate," sniffed Victoria's Secret model booker Sophia Neophitou in a 2012 interview with the New York Times. "She's like a footballer's wife, with the too-blond hair and that kind of face that anyone with enough money can go out and buy." It's almost like we can't count on billion-dollar lingerie companies for integrity anymore.