1. Justin Bieber put his monkey up for adoption
Today, in news that's sure to make animal rights activists go ape: Justin Bieber has abandoned his pet monkey Mally — who was confiscated at a Munich airport in March — like some kind of mushy, half-eaten banana. "Justin Bieber's management contacted us and they will give up Mally," said a spokesman for the Munich animal shelter currently housing the monkey, adding that they are "asking for a good home for Mally." But anyone who finds the idea of owning the Biebs' former primate pal a-peeling will need to get in line: Mally is probably bound for a rescue center, where he'll be free to monkey around in peace.

2. Mad Men anachronism hints at exciting time travel subplot
AMC's period drama Mad Men is famous for the attention and care that goes into its era-specific details. But according to the eagle-eyed viewers at The Hollywood Reporter, a recent episode that referenced famed Manhattan restaurant Le Cirque got a little ahead of itself: Though Mad Men's sixth season is set in 1968, Le Cirque didn't even open until 1974. Though fans have gleefully taken showrunner Matthew Weiner to task for the anachronism, we here at The Week believe he's just planting seeds for an exciting upcoming subplot, in which Joan Holloway invents a time machine and takes a tour of New York restaurants in the (not particularly distant) future.

3. Michael Bay isn't sorry for Armageddon after all
It was widely reported on Sunday that director Michael Bay, in an uncharacteristic display of modesty and self-reflection, had apologized for the less impressive aspects of his 1998 blockbuster Armageddon, explaining that he "would redo the entire third act if [he] could." But given that this is Michael Bay we're talking about, we probably shouldn't be surprised that the director has since angrily refuted the reports. In a blog post quoted at Vulture, Bay said that the report "twisted [his] words and meaning," adding that Armageddon "is still one of the most shown movies on cable TV," which is surely the clearest indicator of a film's quality. 

4. Paul Verhoeven on Total Recall reboot failure: "That was fun"
Last year's Colin Farrell-starring remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger-starring sci-fi/action thriller Total Recall failed to live up to the critical acclaims and box-office grosses of its predecessor — an outcome that was just fine with director Paul Verhoeven, who helmed the 1990 original. "That was fun," said Verhoeven in an interview quoted at The Hollywood Reporter, adding that the remake's creative team "had been arrogant in interviews." Verhoeven humbly went on to dismiss the entire Hollywood studio system as "all completely nonsense." 

5. Ryan Lochte's favorite movie is What Women Want
America's favorite gold medal-winning bro Ryan Lochte recently told Entertainment Weekly why 2000's Mel Gibson vehicle What Women Want — which you might remember as that movie that's always playing on TBS at two in the morning — is his favorite movie of all time. "Towards the end I got kind of teary-eyed," said Lochte. "You know, the best thing for guys is knowing what women want. I mean, that is the all-time greatest." Let's all cross our fingers that Lochte's post-professional swimming plans include a movie review column.