1. "Gangnam Style" earns a record billion views on YouTube
Today, in omens that the world is ending even though the "Mayan apocalypse" came to nothing: Psy's inescapable viral hit "Gangnam Style" has become the first YouTube video to earn more than a billion views. "I want to know the exact reasons it became so popular so I can do it again!" warns Psy at MTV News. "If you think about one billion views, that means people watched it many, many times…. I can't believe they don't get sick of it!" Neither can we, Psy. Neither can we.

2. Madonna threatens to cancel concert over smoking concerns
Seeing cigarettes at an open-air concert is a little like seeing sand at a beach. But when Madonna spotted a group of her fans smoking in the crowd while she gave a Wednesday concert in Santiago, Chile, the Material Girl became so incensed that she threatened to call the whole thing off. "If you're going to smoke cigarettes, I'm not doing a show," Madonna said (see video at Gawker). "I can't sing if you smoke." But don't cry for Chile, Madonna devotees; the situation was reportedly resolved, and Madonna finished her set without further incident.

3. Lindsay Lohan too grossed out to kiss Charlie Sheen in Scary Movie 5
Today in pots calling kettles black: Lindsay Lohan refused to kiss Charlie Sheen in the upcoming Scary Movie 5 because of his "troubled history." TMZ reports that both stars signed a release promising that they didn't have any cold sores before filming the scene — which called for Lohan and Sheen to kiss three times. Lohan eventually decided, however, that she was too uncomfortable with Sheen's "wild partying past" to go through with it, setting a new Guinness World Record for hypocrisy.

4. Kim Kardashian plays thinly veiled Kim Kardashian in new Tyler Perry movie
In a presumed effort to cast off the labels "sex tape star" and "reality TV star" once and for all, sex tape/reality TV star Kim Kardashian has taken a role in Tyler Perry's upcoming Temptation, playing a character that looks and acts exactly like Kim Kardashian. The film's trailer, which can be viewed at Us Weekly, shows off Kardashian's impressive acting range, which runs the gamut from delivering rude lines rudely to standing around in a tight dress.

5. Jersey Shore comes to an end
MTV's Jersey Shore has officially shuttered its doors. And none too soon: The AV Club sadly reports that the Jersey Shore Thursday night series finale "failed to reach the golden debauchery of seasons past." After six unwatchable seasons, the party is over; goodnight, obnoxious reality show stars, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.