1. The not particularly "rockin'" Taylor Swift and Carly Rae Jepsen to headline "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve"
If you needed another reason to avoid the mob that gathers in Times Square to watch the ball drop on New Year's Eve, ABC has just given you one, reports Entertainment Weekly: "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve" will feature singers Taylor Swift and Carly Rae Jepsen in an apparent attempt to redefine the word "rockin'." Fans can look forward to the inevitable mash-up, "We Are Never Ever Going to Call You Maybe."

2. Kanye West deposed in Kardashian/Humphries divorce
Ah, what tangled webs celebrities weave. The messy divorce proceedings between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries have drawn in Kardashian's new beau: Rapper Kanye West. MTV News reports that Humphries' lawyer has called West in for a deposition in what Kardashian lawyer Laura Wasser calls a "fishing expedition" — an apt description, given how slimy the whole situation looks from the outside.

3. Charlie Sheen offers Angus T. Jones a job on Anger Management
Two and a Half Men star Angus T. Jones, who recently attacked the show that pays him $350,000 an episode to deliver terrible jokes lackadaisically, has earned the sympathy of America's most sympathetic celebrity: Former costar Charlie Sheen. Sheen told ABC News that Jones was welcome to guest star on his FX series Anger Management anytime, calling the young actor his "former nephew" — thereby further demonstrating his uncanny inability to distinguish between reality and fiction.

4. Alec Baldwin goes on Twitter rant against the New York Post
30 Rock star (and occasional publicly angry person) Alec Baldwin recently lashed out at the New York Post in a rant so extensive it took 10 whole tweets to finish. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Baldwin declared the Post "the worst newspaper in human history" before slamming a recent column that had criticized him as "ultimately unmemorable" — giving once-indifferent readers a reason to remember it.

5. Fred Savage has a new baby
Wonderful news from a former Wonder Years star: With a little help from his wife, Fred Savage is a father for the third time, reports People. Savage announced the birth of his son by tweeting a picture of the baby's hand along with the phrase, "He's here" — a departure from his traditional method of recording a folksy narration over a nostalgia-tinged montage.