1. Channing Tatum is People's Sexiest Man Alive
Today, People announced that Magic Mike star Channing Tatum had earned the magazine's — and perhaps our nation's — highest honor: The Sexiest Man Alive award. The magazine praises the "Alabama-bred heartthrob" as a man who sculpts, gives excellent massages, and quotes Edgar Allan Poe (surely the most sensuous writer of the grotesque and macabre). Tatum's wife praises him as "emotionally deep and spiritually open" — qualities that seem to rank somewhere below "looked really hot in that male stripper movie." 

2. PETA protests caged wolves at Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 afterparty
Organizers of the afterparty following the premiere of Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 had an extra surprise for guests: Actual caged wolves. (Actual vampires were presumably unavailable.) But while partygoers may have been disappointed when the wolves didn't transform into chiseled teenagers, PETA is disappointed that the wolves were there at all. "Didn't it dawn on the Twilight event organizers that real wolves do not belong at a party with blaring music and flashing lights?" said the animal-rights organization with characteristic good humor. 

3. Kristen Stewart "didn't love" Twilight: Eclipse
Echoing the complaints of hundreds of critics, Kristen Stewart has confessed that she "didn't love" Twilight: Eclipse, the third entry in the franchise. "At the time we were just pumping them out.... It felt a little mechanical," she said. Stewart's comments serve to distance Eclipse from the other films in the Twilight franchise, which are routinely cited as taut, sharply acted masterpieces of cinema.

4. One Direction singer Harry Styles attempts to buy his own CD, has credit card rejected
British boy band One Direction is a hit on both sides of the pond, but the group lost at least one guaranteed sale this week when singer Harry Styles' credit card was rejected as he attempted to purchase the group's new album, Take Me Home. "I went to download our album this morning. And my card got declined. Hahaha!!" tweeted the singer, according to The Celebrity Cafe. It remains possible that Styles' credit card was simply trying to protect him from having to listen to his band's music.

5. Psy and Madonna perform "Gangnam Style" at Madison Square Garden
The entertainment world continues to insist on driving more nails into the coffin of viral hit "Gangnam Style." This week's offender: Madonna, who welcomed Korean "Gangnam Style" hitmaker Psy onstage at Madison Square Garden, in a collaboration between "two of the biggest names in music now," says an extremely generous article in the New York Daily News. The surprise appearance reportedly "roused the crowd," showing that there's nothing that two musicians rapidly approaching their sell-by dates can't accomplish together.