1. Kirstie Alley calls John Travolta "the greatest love of my life"
Do relationships between celebrity Scientologists ever work out? Kirstie Alley has revealed that former co-star John Travolta was "the greatest love of my life," reports the New York Daily News. Alley explains that she and Travolta fell in love while filming Look Who's Talking — though she was inconveniently married at the time — painting a tragic tale of two star-crossed lovers forced to deny their true feelings as they raise a baby with the gravelly voice of Bruce Willis. 

2. Kristen Stewart will neither confirm nor deny reports of reconciliation with Robert Pattinson
Vexing gossip columnists across the globe, Twilight star Kristen Stewart has refused to confirm or deny reports of a reconciliation with costar Robert Pattinson, says E! Online. "I'm just going to let people watch whatever little movie they think our lives are," explained Stewart, generously leaving the door open for Twi-hards to imagine Robsten living a romantic life as actual vampires, sipping blood together as the sun rises.

3. Justin Bieber attempts to have unauthorized "Just-In Beaver" sex toy pulled from market
Pop star Justin Bieber has lent his mop-topped visage to everything from toothbrushes to cell phone cases, but he's less than pleased at one unlicensed knock-off product: A "Just-In Beaver" inflatable sex doll. The doll, which bears an uncanny resemblance to the singer, comes from a company that also sells dolls called Lindsay Blohan, Katy Pervy, and JHo, reports Jezebel so yes, Bieber's angry lawyers may have grounds for a case.

4. Miley Cyrus will have three weddings, says father Billy Ray
He may be best known for achy-breaky hearts, but Billy Ray Cyrus is prepared to walk his betrothed daughter down the aisle no less than three times, reports Starpulse. Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth "are going to have three weddings," says Cyrus, describing nuptials that sound relatively humdrum by celebrity standards, and ridiculously extravagant by the standards of everybody else.

5. Russell Brand wants to be a Jedi
Echoing the wishes of every child under ten (and man-child in his twenties), Russell Brand has announced that he would like to play a Jedi in the upcoming Star Wars: Episode VII, reports Entertainmentwise. "Why wasn't I invited to play Darth Vader?" complained the wacky British comedian — who is, admittedly, slightly more plausible as a lightsaber-wielding, galaxy-conquering villain than Hayden Christensen.