1. Paul McCartney: Yoko Ono didn't break up The Beatles
Negating decades of scape-goating by bitter Beatles fans, Paul McCartney has stated that Yoko Ono was not responsible for the band's breakup, says The Hollywood Reporter. "She certainly didn't break the group up, the group was breaking up," McCartney told David Frost, giving the veteran TV personality his most earth-shattering scoop since the 1977 Frost-Nixon interviews. With Ono's name finally cleared, she can finally go back to making inscrutable art projects in peace.

2. Levi Johnston gets married
Alaska's most eligible bachelor is finally off the market: Levi Johnston, perennial thorn in the Palin family's side, married girlfriend Sunny Oglesby on Sunday, says E! Online. In September, the newlyweds welcomed their first child, Breeze Beretta, who they really did name after the firearm of the same name.

3. Hulk Hogan and Bubba the Love Sponge settle sex tape lawsuit
It's one sex tape lawsuit down and two to go for Hulk Hogan, who has settled his lawsuit against former BFF Bubba the Love Sponge, says The Washington Post. (Hogan had sued after a surreptitiously recorded video surfaced of him having sex with the former Mrs. Love Sponge.) "After further investigation, I am now convinced that Hulk Hogan was unaware of the presence of the recording device in my bedroom," said Mr. Love Sponge on his radio program. (One can only imagine what "further investigation" means, although it's probably better not to.) Hogan is still seeking legal action against Heather Clem, his co-star, and Gawker, which posted a shortened clip of the video.

4. Nickelback's Chad Kroeger disses Avril Lavigne's ex-husband
Say what you will about Nickelback's "music" — but frontman Chad Kroeger knows how to land a good burn. When Sum 41's Deryck Whibley tweeted a picture of he and his girlfriend dressed as Lavigne and Kroeger at a Halloween party, Kroeger replied, "we were going to dress up as you guys this year but all the parties had celebrity themes," reports MTV.com. Kroeger went on to challenge Whibley to "a couples-bowling grudge match," because a battle of the bands would mean that everybody loses.

5. Lindsay Lohan doesn't understand why everyone is worried about Hurricane Sandy
Today in tone-deaf Lindsay Lohan tweets: Why are people afraid of hurricanes? ABC News notes that as Hurricane Sandy closed in on the East Coast, the actress tweeted, "WHY is everyone in SUCH a panic about hurricane (i'm calling it Sally)..? Stop projecting negativity! Think positive and pray for peace." Also: Stock up on non-perishable food, water, and flashlights, advised people who actually understand hurricanes.