Poor Paul. Though Germany's "psychic octopus" can apparently predict World Cup winners, he himself can't win. His less popular soccer forecasts have provoked death threats and now he's roused the ire of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who lashed out at the sea creature during a recent speech. He accused Paul and his tentacles of spreading "western propaganda and superstition" and claimed that "those who believe in this type of thing" cannot, like Iranians, "aspire... to human perfection." In response, Western propaganda-disseminators have been cracking wise:

This is quite a distinction for Paul
The beleaguered octopus "joins an illustrious list of enemies of the Iranian dictator, including those pesky Zionists, the United States, human rights and democracy," says Arsen Ostrovsky at FrumForum.

How much can one eight-legged creature bear?
"The latest threat to Paul comes just weeks after some Argentineans threatened to kill Paul and put him in a paella," says Rory Fitzgerald in The Huffington Post. "He is understood to be undergoing counseling...."

Ahmadinejad is a brilliant, insightful man
"This would generally be the part of the article where I would insert a joke. However, I prefer not to mess with psychotic world leaders," says Alex Groberman in Opposing Views.

Wrong call, Ahmadinejad
"Iran's president accused Paul of representing all that's wrong with western society," says Barry Petchesky at Deadspin. Actually, "I think that [would be] Dutch soccer."

As the world waits anxiously...
At NBC, Greg Wilson writes "Paul, who lives at Germany's Oberhausen Sea Life Centre, could not be reached for comment."