Love and stimulus
The government calls it a “fiscal stimulus,” my grandma called it “gambling money,” says Joel Stein in the Los Angeles Times. “Same idea. They both want a kiss.” And we’re supposed to go out and spend our check, as if “that will make our houses worth a lot again.” Who in their right mind “would give us more money after what we’ve done with ours” so far? The government. Why? It’s “super-insecure and desperate to be liked”—you’d be too if you got voted on every few years. The stimulus will only get us into more trouble—maybe we should reassure our government that it’s “good-looking and funny,” and that we’ll love it “no matter what.”
Hiring in dire times
Top companies still hire in a down economy, says Marshall Loeb in MarketWatch. But the competition gets “stiffer than ever,” so “it pays to be prepared and persistent.” First you need to brush up on your storytelling: you could easily face “12 to 15 one-on-one chats” during the interview process, and you’ll probably be asked to talk about how you handled past job problems. Say “we” a lot, as everybody wants a team player. Do “creative research” on the company beforehand, like talking to past and current customers—“a Google search won’t do it.” And keep in touch if you don’t get the gold: most top firms keep track of their “silver medalists.”