How to make people like you: 6 science-based conversation hacks
So you want to know how to make people like you? It's easier than you think.
So you want to know how to make people like you? It's easier than you think.
Here are six research-backed tips:
1. Encourage people to talk about themselves
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It gives their brain as much pleasure as food or money:
2. To give feedback, ask questions
If you use questions to guide people toward the errors in their thinking process and allow them to come up with the solution themselves, they're less likely to feel threatened and more likely to follow through.
Here's more on feedback.
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3. Ask for advice
Stanford professor Jeffrey Pfeffer, persuasion expert Robert Cialdini and many others have all recommended asking for advice as a powerful way to influence others and warm them to you.
Wharton professor Adam Grant breaks down the science behind it:
4. The two-question technique
Ask them about something positive in their life. Only after they reply should you ask them how they're feeling about life in general.
Sounds silly, but this method is based on research by Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman.
A positive answer on the first question will lead to them feeling more positive about their life in general when you ask the second question:
More on this powerful technique here.
5. Repeat the last three words
Active listening has incredible power, and hostage negotiators use it to build rapport. What's the quick and dirty way to do active listening without training? Social skills expert and author Leil Lowndes recommends simple repetition: "…simply repeat — or parrot — the last two or three words your companion said, in a sympathetic, questioning tone. That throws the conversational ball right back in your partner's court."
It shows you're listening and interested, and it lets them get back to telling their story. You've got to be slightly savvy about this one, but it's surprisingly effective.
Surprisingly effective?
Yes, it is.
It is?
Research shows repetition is effective in negotiations as well.
6. Gossip — but positively
Research shows what you say about others colors how people see you. Compliment other people, and you're likely to be seen positively. Complain, and you're likely to be associated with those negative traits you hate:
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