Younger gays and abuse
If you're gay, it's hard not to feel optimistic these days. We're a small part of the population, but a solid majority of Americans and much of the political elite is on our side and wants to guarantee our political equality under the law. I was reminded early this morning that despite the amazing progress, life for some of my younger gay friends is, and will remain, quite hard.
I don't mean, or just mean, gay kids who are bullied in schools. That problem has the attention of educators and activists.
I mean this: You're 17, 18, 19 years old. Your family kicks you out. Maybe your father abuses you. You have no money. You have no place to go. You don't live in a city with a vibrant supportive gay community. Or you don't live in a state with a strong domestic/adult dependent abuse safety net.
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
A young man named C.___ e-mailed me last night. We share some nerdy obsessions, and those have formed the basis for a casual, ongoing conversation.
C.___ is 19 years old. He lives in a small California town. He likes to hike and canoe. He is an aspiring model.
Last month, in a fit of drunken rage, his father, who is much, much larger than he is, threw a large metal pan at C.____. It missed his torso, but it clipped his knee, tearing a ligament.
This was light punishment. Because he is gay, C.____ has been punched and kicked by his father. His mother is under the sway of his father, and so does not, or cannot help him.
Sign up for Today's Best Articles in your inbox
A free daily email with the biggest news stories of the day – and the best features from TheWeek.com
C.____ has no money. He needs to get out of his house.
This is not a unique story. Since moving to Los Angeles, I've met a lot of younger gay men who have been kicked out of abusive households. The most heartbreaking of the stories was told to me by a talented young clothing designer. Upon learning he was gay, he was severely beaten, given $500, driven to the airport, had a one-way plane ticket bought in his name, and was abandoned.
1980?
No: 2007.
He was 16.
The cycle of violence is merciless.
In the six years he spent here in West Hollywood, my young friend was raped twice — and lest you think that he was exaggerating to evoke sympathy, I've seen the medical and police records. He was also assaulted numerous times. He resorted to escorting to make ends meet. His ability to form meaningful friendships is fractured. His life is not very stable.
I don't know how to help these young men. It does seem to me that they're slipping through the safety net that the gay community is building for its most vulnerable.
Political rights are critical. But social equality is probably more meaningful. Parents who abuse children are abominable. But parents of gay children can get away with it more, because there's a stigma, because everyone just wants the problem to go away, because we still lack the guts to challenge some of our brother's darker secrets.
These mothers and fathers still think in such bizarre, incomprehensible ways. Nothing will change until it becomes shameful not to treat your gay child with respect and decency.
Marc Ambinder is TheWeek.com's editor-at-large. He is the author, with D.B. Grady, of The Command and Deep State: Inside the Government Secrecy Industry. Marc is also a contributing editor for The Atlantic and GQ. Formerly, he served as White House correspondent for National Journal, chief political consultant for CBS News, and politics editor at The Atlantic. Marc is a 2001 graduate of Harvard. He is married to Michael Park, a corporate strategy consultant, and lives in Los Angeles.
-
7 restaurants that beat winter at its own chilly game
The Week Recommends Classic, new and certain to feed you well
By Scott Hocker, The Week US Published
-
Crossword: December 24, 2024
The Week's daily crossword
By The Week Staff Published
-
Sudoku medium: December 24, 2024
The Week's daily medium sudoku puzzle
By The Week Staff Published
-
Why Puerto Rico is starving
The Explainer Thanks to poor policy design, congressional dithering, and a hostile White House, hundreds of thousands of the most vulnerable Puerto Ricans are about to go hungry
By Jeff Spross Published
-
Why on Earth does the Olympics still refer to hundreds of athletes as 'ladies'?
The Explainer Stop it. Just stop.
By Jeva Lange Last updated
-
How to ride out the apocalypse in a big city
The Explainer So you live in a city and don't want to die a fiery death ...
By Eugene K. Chow Published
-
Puerto Rico, lost in limbo
The Explainer Puerto Ricans are Americans, but have a vague legal status that will impair the island's recovery
By The Week Staff Published
-
American barbarism
The Explainer What the Las Vegas massacre reveals about the veneer of our civilization
By Damon Linker Published
-
Welfare's customer service problem
The Explainer Its intentionally mean bureaucracy is crushing poor Americans
By Jeff Spross Published
-
Nothing about 'blood and soil' is American
The Explainer Here's what the vile neo-Nazi slogan really means
By Edward Morrissey Published
-
Don't let cell phones ruin America's national parks
The Explainer As John Muir wrote, "Only by going alone in silence ... can one truly get into the heart of the wilderness"
By Jeva Lange Published