1. Rap music dies a little
The producer/evil person behind Rebecca Black's "Friday" and Nicole Westbrook's "It's Thanksgiving" is back. This time, two pint-sized young women (who call themselves Tweenchronic, if you care) rap about the minutiae of playground life over a hard-hitting beat. "Hot Cheetos and Takis," this is not. (Via BuzzFeed)
2. A "Perfect" 007?
This is what happens when you mash together the faces of all the actors who have ever played James Bond. (Via Imgur)
3. Tumblr of the week: "Edith With Googly Eyes"
If you enjoy watching rich people with British accents creatively insulting one another week after week, you'll probably enjoy this Tumblr, which showcases Downton Abbey's resident oddball with googly eyes.
4. Steve Ballmer: MVP
Microsoft's burly CEO surprised CES-goers this week by bringing his usual bravado to the stage during Qualcomm's weird, over-the-top keynote (which is worth reading about in its own right). Here he is making an entrance. (Via Imgur)
5. The New York Times pokes fun at the Baseball Hall of Fame
The Baseball Hall of Fame elected not to send any players to Cooperstown this year, although alleged dopers like Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens were eligible. The message was clear: No cheaters shall enter. The New York Times decided to have a little fun with the non-decision in Thursday's sports section. (Via Twitter)
6. The science of the friendzone
That sound you hear is thousands of lonely Redditors clicking downvote in unison. (Via Gizmodo)
7. A really good Onion headline:
"Gorilla sales skyrocket after latest gorilla attack"
8. Hunter S. Thompson's writing routine
Writer Julia Segal dug up this old Associated Press story documenting a day in the life of Hunter S. Thompson, who lived to be 67. Somehow. (Via Tumblr)
9. The most poorly executed trust fall of all time
"Hahahahahahahaahahaha" — a real friend I sent this to on Gchat. (Via Death and Taxes)
10. Cat of the week
The recipient of today's coveted "Cat of the week" award is not a cat, but multiple baby sloths being bathed in unison, simply because they are superior to any feline we have seen on the internet this week. We think you'll agree. (Via Cute Overload)