Germany: A pig is worse than a cow

Silvia Meixner

Die Welt

When resorting to insults, choose your words carefully, said Silvia Meixner. German law provides for different fines depending on what animal epithet you hurl.

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If you’re in traffic and you call that bicyclist who swerved in front of you a “dumb cow,” you could face a fine of up to 300 euros. Calling another driver “you stupid pig” will cost you 500 euros, and saying that to a cop will set you back 2,000—unless you use the more polite, formal form of “you,” in which case you’ll only pay 200 euros. In some jurisdictions, calling a policeman a bull can draw a fine of 300 euros, but “other courts no longer recognize the term as an insult, because many police officers refer to themselves as bulls.” Of course, if you accompany your curse with “the stink finger,” or raised middle finger, it’s an automatic 1,000-euro fine.

Fortunately for those who are strapped for cash, most jurisdictions charge fines “on a sliding scale” based on your net monthly income. Even so, if you really can’t afford the pleasure of letting one fly at that obnoxious bull cop, pick an animal insult that isn’t covered by law: Call him “a snail or a mouse.”