Donald Trump's acceptance speech was both ghastly and absurd. How fitting.

The presidential nominee's acceptance address is a longstanding ritual in our civil religion, wherein the prospective leader gives testimony, then is anointed with his supporters' love and a rain of balloons and confetti. Donald Trump received his balloons on Thursday night — but his testimony lacked everything we've come to expect.

Typically, even though the party out of power and the party in power will paint different pictures of the state of the country, the two candidates' speeches will have some things in common. The candidates will reach back to foundational American values, like liberty and equality. They'll sing America's praises. They'll tell a few stories of individual Americans who embody the kinds of virtues they want to promote. They'll assure us that whatever problems the nation faces, the solutions reside within each of us individually and all of us together.

Is it sometimes trite, not nearly as inspiring as the candidate hopes? Sure. And don't get me wrong — we don't want to overstate the value of mindless boosterism. But when the candidate doesn't even bother telling us how good we are, or that we can all reach for the future together, or about the fine people no more famous than us demonstrating the true spirit of America, the absence is striking.

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But coming out of Trump's mouth, that stuff probably would have sounded awkward. Throughout this campaign, whenever he has talked about America, it's only been to claim that the country is a bottomless pit of suffering and despair. The unemployment rate is over 40 percent! Crime is skyrocketing! Terrorists are everywhere! Illegal aliens are pouring over our borders like never before! We don't make anything! We never win anymore! The whole world is laughing at us!

All of these things are demonstrably false, but no matter how many times that's pointed out, he just doesn't care. For whatever reason, Donald Trump looks out at America from the penthouse of Trump Tower and sees a rotting corpse of a country.

You'd never know from listening to him that America is still the dominant economic, military, scientific, and cultural force in the world. That isn't to say there aren't deep and profound problems in America today, because there certainly are. But there has simply never been a presidential candidate who talks about the country he wants to lead with the kind of naked contempt that Donald Trump does.

And that's what he served up Thursday night: a litany of horrors, painting a picture of the dark present which only he and he alone can deliver us from, all presented with over an hour of relentless, loud, sweaty shouting.

While acceptance speeches can sometimes get mired in a long list of policy proposals, Trump didn't bother to be remotely specific about anything, other than saying we'll build a wall on our southern border and "immediately suspend immigration from any nation that has been compromised by terrorism until such time as proven vetting mechanisms have been put in place. We don't want them in our country." Does a "nation that has been compromised by terrorism" include, say, France? Don't be silly — you know who he's talking about.

And here at home, he shouted, things have never been worse. "Crime and terrorism and lawlessness" are everywhere. "The irresponsible rhetoric of our president, who has used the pulpit of the presidency to divide us by race and color, has made America a more dangerous environment for everyone than frankly I have ever seen and anybody in this room has ever watched or seen." The only personal story Trump told was of a young woman killed by an undocumented immigrant.

How do we solve these problems? With a return to our values, united in a common effort in which we all have a part to play? No. The answer came in the most important line of Trump's speech: "I alone can fix it."

And here are some other important lines, from various points in the speech: "I am going to make our country rich again." "I am going to bring our jobs back." "I am your voice." "The politicians have talked about it, I'm going to do it." "I will restore law and order to our country." "I am going to turn our bad trade agreements into great trade agreements." "I will win for you."

Forget about policies and plans and all that claptrap politicians care about. Trump needs none of that. He will solve every problem with the force of his personality, his huge brain, his all-encompassing Trumpness that will blow through America like a hurricane of winning and set everything right. It's his Great Man Theory of government, that all we need is one leader, one man, one Trump — nothing more and nothing less.

And you? Your only job is to sit back and watch him accomplish all this. You won't get rich through ingenuity and hard work — Trump will make you rich. You don't need to speak, because Trump is your voice. You don't have to win, because Trump will win for you.

I suppose a professional speechwriter or two worked on this speech — not even his most sycophantic aides would suggest that Trump himself is capable of sitting down and writing something that long — but you could barely tell. There were no interesting turns of phrase, no themes introduced and repeated, no rhythm, no emotional crescendo, and certainly nothing to suggest that its authors gave the barest thought to trying to persuade any voter who hasn't already bought his "Trump That Bitch" t-shirt.

But it will be remembered nonetheless, for how well it captured Donald Trump's personality and campaign. It was ugly and blunt and narcissistic and frightening, and if it had nothing but bad things to say about America? Well what could describe Donald Trump's candidacy better than that?