The daily gossip: This year's Oscar goody bag is wild, Dave Bautista insists he's playing Bane, and more

1. This year's Oscar goody bag includes luxury vacations, vape cartridges, and a hammer from PETA

It's an honor just to be nominated … because you still get a goody bag worth six figures. The Academy Awards are this Sunday, but no matter who gets a trophy, all Best Actor and Actress, Best Director, and Supporting Actor and Actress nominees get an unofficial "Everyone Wins" gift bag, courtesy Distinctive Assets. Highlights include: A three-night stay at a lighthouse in Sweden; a four-night stay at a luxury spa; a plastic surgery session; a PETA emergency hammer designed to save dogs from hot cars; a home renovation project; vape cartridges; vitamin IV infusions; and, because it's 2021, an NFT. Big ticket items are accompanied by a plethora of down-to-earth gifts, like cookies, alcohol, and sweatpants. Thank god for the goody bags, how would celebs have been able to afford this stuff otherwise?

Vogue Australia HelloGiggles

2. Dave Bautista is playing Bane, even if no one even needs a Bane right now

Dave Bautista is playing Bane! And no, excuse you, it doesn't happen to matter that there are no upcoming Batman movies featuring the villain, nor that there aren't any plans to otherwise bring back the character made famous by Tom Hardy in The Dark Knight Rises. "I want to play Bane so bad I went to Warner Bros., had an appointment with them, had an appointment with DC, walked in the door and said, 'I want to play Bane.' I'm not kidding," the retired wrestler said. Notably, that is, uh, not how that usually works. "They were a little like, 'Whoa, we're not even casting Bane,'" Bautista said. "I was like, 'I don't care, I'm playing him.'" Now that's manifesting.

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3. Chrissy Teigen talked about the unedited Khloé Kardashian photo in therapy

Chrissy Teigen, like many people, is frustrated with the Khloé Kardashian unedited photo saga. The model told Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live she has conflicting feelings, but acknowledged there can be two truths — that someone can be proud of a photo but also not want it in the public eye. "I actually ended up talking about it in therapy, oddly enough, because of my own body insecurity issues and what celebrities have done to people in distorting their image of what a real human body looks like," she said. Teigen said works through her body image issues every day, and is "willing to go through this bulls--t to show off my body in any way I can for other people to feel better about theirs."

BuzzFeed News

4. Whoopi Goldberg thinks 'old Black women' will save the world — so she's writing a script about it

Whoopi Goldberg doesn't need a superpower to destroy her enemies; she only needs one word. But there's nothing wrong with kicking a little butt sometimes, too, which is why she's reportedly working on a script about a Black woman who develops her powers late in life. "Since I was a little kid, I've been obsessed with superheroes," Goldberg told Variety. "They're all saving the Earth all the time. But do you know who's really going to save the Earth? Old Black women." And if you happen to disagree? Stop talking.

Variety Vulture

5. Hilary Duff to star in a How I Met Your Mother sequel show

Wait for it… Hulu has reportedly ordered a How I Met Your Mother sequel series called How I Met Your Father, which is set to star Hilary Duff in the lead role. Similar to the premise of the original CBS sitcom, Duff will play Sophie, a woman who, in the future, tells her son the story of how she met his father beginning in the year 2021. If the idea of a How I Met Your Mother spin-off sounds familiar, that's because CBS ordered a pilot for one way back in 2013; it was supposed to be called How I Met Your Dad — super original — and star Greta Gerwig. Having been fooled by How I Met Your Mother already, hopefully the sequel can wrap in a way that's legendary in a good way.

Variety The Week