"The Beijing Olympics are officially over," and "I'm so excited to be back, my heart is racing so fast I feel like I took pills from a Russian figure skater," Jimmy Fallon said on Monday's Tonight Show. Like fellow late-night hosts Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers, Fallon also cracked a few jokes about a Finnish skier who suffered a "frozen penis" on a race Sunday.
President Biden has been convinced Russian President Vladimir Putin has decided to invade Ukraine. "Putin's about as undecided as when a server asks if you want a side salad or fries," Fallon said. "To avoid war, French President Emanuel Macron is trying to arrange a sit-down with Biden and Putin — yep, leave it to France to settle a problem with a three-way."
"That's the French for you, always trying to start ménages à trois," Colbert joked on The Late Show. "Just hours after his surprise meeting, Putin gave a speech recognizing independence of Moscow-backed breakaway regions in eastern Ukraine and calling the eastern part of the country 'ancient Russian lands.' So they're independent but they also belong to Russia. Putin's just living the spirit of the old saying: 'If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, surround it with 190,000 troops. Then ask it again.'"
The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
"Biden held a meeting of the National Security Council yesterday to discuss the situation in Ukraine where they told him it's basically like washing down Taco Bell with an iced coffee: We know something's gonna happen, we just don't know when and how bad," Meyers said on Late Night. Meanwhile, "ahead of President Biden's State of the Union address, authorities in Washington, D.C., will reportedly put additional fencing around the Capitol — which is actually all you need to know about the state of the Union."
"The National Archives confirmed last week that former President Trump improperly took classified material from the White House to his Mar-a-Lago club — also, all the copper wiring," Meyers said. "Trump yesterday launched his new social media app, Truth Social. It's supposed to revolutionize the way Americans have their data stolen."
The Late Show opened with Peppa Pig hitting back Kanye West with a dis track, and it's really something.
-
Political cartoons for November 29Cartoons Saturday's political cartoons include Kash Patel's travel perks, believing in Congress, and more
-
Nigel Farage: was he a teenage racist?Talking Point Farage’s denials have been ‘slippery’, but should claims from Reform leader’s schooldays be on the news agenda?
-
Pushing for peace: is Trump appeasing Moscow?In Depth European leaders succeeded in bringing themselves in from the cold and softening Moscow’s terms, but Kyiv still faces an unenviable choice
-
Judge halts Trump’s DC Guard deploymentSpeed Read The Trump administration has ‘infringed upon the District’s right to govern itself,’ the judge ruled
-
Trump accuses Democrats of sedition meriting ‘death’Speed Read The president called for Democratic lawmakers to be arrested for urging the military to refuse illegal orders
-
Court strikes down Texas GOP gerrymanderSpeed Read The Texas congressional map ordered by Trump is likely an illegal racial gerrymander, the court ruled
-
Trump defends Saudi prince, shrugs off Khashoggi murderSpeed Read The president rebuked an ABC News reporter for asking Mohammed bin Salman about the death of a Washington Post journalist at the Saudi Consulate in 2018
-
Congress passes bill to force release of Epstein filesSpeed Read The Justice Department will release all files from its Jeffrey Epstein sex-trafficking investigation
-
Trump says he will sell F-35 jets to Saudi ArabiaSpeed Read The president plans to make several deals with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman this week
-
Judge blasts ‘profound’ errors in Comey caseSpeed Read ‘Government misconduct’ may necessitate dismissing the charges against the former FBI director altogether
-
Ecuador rejects push to allow US military basesSpeed Read Voters rejected a repeal of a constitutional ban on US and other foreign military bases in the country
