An abject apology to Dear Leader

An open letter to President-elect Donald Trump: Now that you will soon assume the awesome — and greatly expanded! — powers of the presidency, I'd like to join Jeff Bezos in sending my "big congratulations" on your crushing victory over the enemy within. Please let me echo Joe and Mika of MSNBC in offering to turn the page and re-establish a thoughtful, heartfelt dialogue with you, Dear Leader. Toward that end, I would like to offer my abject apologies for describing you in this space over the years as a demagogue, would-be autocrat, white supremacist, misogynist, and narcissist. Just a bit of colorful hyperbole, like JD Vance describing you before his own red-pill awakening as "a moral disaster" and "America's Hitler." No hard feelings, right? I would also like to express regret for the intemperate cover illustrations in this magazine that have depicted you as a caudillo, a human wrecking ball, a mob boss, an arsonist incinerating the Constitution, an insurrectionist, and a subservient stooge of Vladimir Putin. This, I see now, was treason — indeed, blasphemy. What were we thinking?

We just didn't realize that your bold new vision for removing constitutional obstacles enjoyed such popular (and divine) support. Nor did we understand that your admiration for autocrats like Putin, Kim Jong Un, and Viktor Orban would not only promote world peace, it would inspire needed reforms of our own unruly democracy! I mean, republic. Let me congratulate you for ensuring that both Congress and the Supreme Court will not become impediments to your bold, decisive leadership, and applaud the court for declaring you immune to any additional prosecution no matter what you do in coming years. Go for it! Now that we're bros, I hope I can stop by Mar-a-Lago soon to hang with you, Elon, JD, Tulsi, Tucker, RFK Jr., and the whole fun gang. BTW, I would like to buy all remaining $60 Trump Bibles as Christmas — not, ugh, "holiday" — presents for friends and family. Deus vult, sir.

This is the editor's letter in the current issue of The Week magazine.

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