Speed Reads

Oh, Canada

Stephen Colbert playfully mocks former Canadian Ted Cruz

On Thursday night's Colbert Report, eponymous host Stephen Colbert gave a groovy wag of his finger to Led Zeppelin for possibly plagiarizing the opening guitar melody in "Stairway to Heaven." But before that, he gave both a tip of his hat and a wag of his finger to Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) for, respectively, giving up his Canadian citizenship and performing his "Canadectomy" in such a Canadian manner, with a simple government-issued certificate.

"Come on, senator — no piece of paper can wipe the Canada off you," Colbert teased. To become "100 percent American," he counseled, Cruz should do something "radically un-Canadian" like "punch a moose, or pay for his own health care." Colbert even offered to perform Cruz's "Canadian deprogramming" himself. It doesn't look like a pleasant experience, but if that's what it takes to get the Celine Dion out of your system.... --Peter Weber