Stephen Colbert colorfully recaps the first Clinton-Trump debate live

The Late Show went on live Monday night, right after the first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, and "coming into tonight's debate, Democrats were divided between two strong emotions: panic and pants-crapping," Stephen Colbert said. "Democrats have not been this nervous since Anthony Weiner asked to borrow their phone."

"The expectations for the two sides were very different," Colbert noted. "For Hillary to win, she had to be confident but not smug, knowledgeable without being a know-it-all, charming but not affected, commanding but not shrill, also likable, warm, authoritative, and not coughing. Meanwhile, Donald Trump had to not commit murder — on camera — and that low bar was reflected in Donald Trump's debate prep," which reportedly involved eating burgers and coming up with zingers. "He may not have prepared, but it also looked like he didn't," Colbert said. "Meanwhile, Hillary was so prepared my new nickname for her is Preparation H."

For the next few minutes, Colbert walked thorough some of the debate's zestier moments. "For months now, Donald Trump has questioned Hillary's health, repeatedly, and I've gotta say, there was one possible health scare on stage tonight: Trump sounded like he was fighting off a cold, with cocaine," he said. "He sounded like the coked-up best man in the bathroom at a wedding." He touched on substance a little bit, but mostly went for the easy laughs — see Law & Order — with some discussion of the hot topic of fact-checking. "Trump told the biggest lie of the debate," Colbert said, playing a clip of Trump touting his temperament. "Of course, we we'll never know if his temperament is really his strongest asset, because he won't release his tax returns," he said. "In the end, there was really only one word that summed up how this whole debate — this whole election — feels, and Donald Trump captured it." Watch below. Peter Weber

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