Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles Jeff Bezos

Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah are appalled at different parts of National Enquirer's Jeff Bezos blackmail

Last week, Amazon's "Jeff Bezos accused David Pecker of blackmail and extortion" for threatening to publish intimate photos he shared with mistress Lauren Sanchez unless Bezos dropped his investigation into how how Pecker's National Enquirer obtained those sexts, Stephen Colbert recapped on Monday's Late Show. "But for once, the man who took pictures of his own junk took the classy route. Bezos refused to give into the blackmail in a blog post titled 'No thank you, Mr. Pecker' — which is exactly how I feel about seeing Jeff Bezos' penis."

Before Bezos' investigators reportedly found their culprit — Michael Sanchez, the Trump-backing brother of Lauren Sanchez — the Enquirer tried to blackmail Bezos in writing, and Bezos published those emails. Colbert gingerly ran through the descriptions of the purported photos, but Bezos' stated motive of standing up for all those who can't afford to buck the Enquirer's extortion "kind of puts me in a weird place," he said. "Because I'm not used to rooting for the billionaire — except Batman, or Black Panther, or Iron Man. And it's only a matter of time till Bezos reveals his superhero identity, Alexa Man."

On The Daily Show, Trevor Noah highlighted a different issue. "Okay, I know this story is about the National Enquirer trying to blackmail the richest man in the world, but to me the bigger story is: Why is the richest man in the world sending d-ck pics?" he asked. "He could have paid Pixar to animate his d-ck and send it to the woman; Lin-Manuel would do the music for him. Forget d-ck pics, just send a photo of Forbes magazine — you're the richest man in the world!" Still, even though "Bezos is an idiot for sending d-ck pics, he shouldn't be blackmailed," Noah said. "That part of the story is wrong. His punishment should be all his future d-ck pics get sent with Amazon reviews." Watch below. Peter Weber