Speed Reads

Last Night on Late Night

Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel are bemused at Rudy Giuliani stopping Trump from seizing voting machines

Tuesday was the first day of Black History Month, but "unfortunately, 14 states" are celebrating "with new rules that limit how teachers can teach Black History Month — or as the teachers will now be forced to call it: Month," Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. "Speaking of trying to erase history, we're learning more about former President Coup-ssolini" and his efforts to use U.S. national security agencies to seize voting machines in 2020.

"To be clear," Donald Trump "wanted U.S. troops to go into your local polling place, grab the machines, throw them in a truck, and then God knows what? Waterboard them until they say he won?" Colbert said. "You should be alarmed even if you voted for him, because military coups do not lead to healthy societies. No one ever says, 'If only we could emulate the economic miracle that is Myanmar!'"

In Trump's "four years in office, this may be the thing he worked hardest on," Colbert said. But deploying the military was a step too far even for Rudy Giuliani. "Do you know how crazy you have to be to hear that you've gone too far from Rudy Giuliani?" he asked. "That's like hearing you've had too much to drink — from Rudy Giuliani!"

Yes, "you know you've gone to far when you make Recount Dracula think twice," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. Meanwhile, former Vice President Mike Pence "is in the doghouse with his former owner, Donald Trump." After claiming over the weekend that Pence had the power to overturn the election in his favor, he said, Trump today "went about eight steps further with what is certainly among the Top 5 craziest statements made by a former president of the United States."

"You understand he's calling for an investigation of his own vice president," Kimmel said. "This is like Bonnie calling for an investigation into Clyde. And the saddest part is, Mike Pence is so pathetic, he'd probably agree."

"Trump's advisers have convinced him to stop promoting vaccines because they're worried it could alienate his supporters," Jimmy Fallon said at The Tonight Show. "Don't worry, to win back his non-science supporters, Trump's gonna stare at an eclipse again. That's right, Trump is desperate right now, he's like, 'I"ll do anything in this whole flat world to win you guys back.'"