The best tabloid stories of 2014

A Polish prankster kept himself amused by dressing his dog up as an enormous tarantula, letting it loose on unsuspecting passers-by and – of course – posting footage of their reactions online. In one clip, the dog, Chica, is seen lying on top of a human “victim” in a lift as two women wait for it to arrive. When the doors open, they scream and flee in horror. Another shows a man running for his life when he spots the giant “spider” in a dimly lit underpass.

Housing association tenants who paid the “bedroom tax” were rewarded with the offer of a free Cadbury Creme Egg. A letter sent out by the Valleys to Coast association in Bridgend congratulated tenants for keeping up with their rent in “challenging” times, and invited them to pop into its offices to pick up the sickly treat as “a small thank you”. Tenants branded the offer “bizarre and obscene”.

An American dad rang a concert venue and threatened to blow it up, to stop his daughters harassing him about a One Direction gig. William Klein had promised he’d take the girls, aged ten and 14, to see the band perform in Philadelphia – only to discover tickets had long been sold out. When he broke the news, they said they’d never speak to him again. That’s when he came up with the idea of a hoax terror threat. “He hoped he could tell his daughters they shouldn’t be upset because the concert had been cancelled anyway,” said his lawyer. Instead, police traced his call and arrested him. Now his daughters are “even more upset with him”.

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A van driver on the M1 was amazed to find himself overtaken at 70mph by a woman who was reading a book, propped up on the steering wheel of her Nissan Micra. Andrew Stonham followed her for ten miles before turning off. “We were beeping at her and I was waving,” he said. “She finally looked up, smiled and waved before carrying on as normal.”

A drugs offender begged a magistrate to fine him – rather than impose a curfew – as he couldn’t face being stuck at home with his mother. “You don’t know what it’s like living with her,” whined Wayne Bamford, 28, a builder from Blackpool. “She just rattles on all the time. Why can’t I have a fine, please?” But the JP was unmoved. “It’s right, he doesn’t like living with me,” confirmed his mother, Sheila. “I talk to him a lot. His greatest punishment will be me jabbering away at him.”

An amateur sailor who tried to cross the Atlantic in a 14ft dinghy was rescued five miles off the coast of Dorset. The 30-year-old Bulgarian was spotted looking cold and seasick in choppy waters by passing yachtsmen, who called the coastguard. They found that his only navigational aid was a street map of Southampton, and that all he had as protection against the driving rain and salt spray was a cheap pac-a-mac.

Xiao Yunzhi was strolling around his home town in Sichuan Province when his head started to feel strangely heavy. But it wasn’t until he popped into a tobacconists that he discovered why. The shopkeeper pointed silently to the top of his head – where a five-inch kitchen knife was embedded up to its hilt. It later turned out that Yunzhi (who, miraculously, was not seriously injured) had passed underneath a high-rise block just as a gust of wind blew the knife off a balcony ledge.

The organiser of a gurning competition was told that he would have to complete a risk assessment before the event could go ahead, at the Maesbury Canal Festival in Shropshire. “Frankly, I don’t know where to start,” said Stephen Rees-Jones.

A crystal meth addict in Oklahoma rang the police to complain that the drugs she’d bought weren’t up to scratch. Lynette Rae Sampson, 54, was apparently a “model of politeness” when she dialled 911 to complain that her “ice” was not of the purity she’d come up to expect. “I’m glad you came,” she said, when police arrived at her door. She then led them into the kitchen, showed them her supply – and was promptly arrested.

Winnie the Pooh has been banned from a Polish playground on account of his “dubious sexuality” and “inappropriate” attire. At a council meeting, someone suggested that A.A. Milne’s creation might be a good “face” for a new playground. But officials were appalled, pointing out that Pooh is seminaked, and claiming that Milne had “cut off his testicles with a rusty razor” because he had a problem with his identity.

Tourist officials in an upmarket resort in Austria caused offence by distributing a guide to Arab tourists, which warned them not to cook in their rooms, eat their meals off the floor or dump litter. The pamphlet, Where Cultures Meet, also urged women not to wear burqas. “Unfortunately, certain passages led to misunderstandings,” said an official, as he announced that the leaflet was being withdrawn.

A German MP resigned this summer after admitting to taking crystal meth. Michael Hartmann said his reason for using was not “related to stress, nor to an unhappy incident in my private life. No, I took the drug solely because I felt sure it would improve my performance as a member of the Bundestag.”

A man who spent £30,000 on plastic surgery to make himself look like a “human Ken doll” announced that he was now being immortalised as a doll of his own. Celso Santebanes, a 20-year-old Brazilian, has become something of a celebrity, owing to his resemblance (the result of numerous operations) to Barbie’s boyfriend. Tweeting a picture of himself with his plastic likeness, he said: “This is all so magical... I dreamt of being a human puppet.”

A 21-year-old massage therapist from Florida had a third breast surgically implanted, apparently to further her dreams of becoming a reality TV star. Jasmine Tridevil claims that 50 doctors turned her down on ethical grounds before she found one willing to perform the procedure. She admits that when she showed her mother and sister what she’d done, they ran from the room screaming. But she says she has no regrets. “Don’t be afraid to be different,” reads her Facebook page. “It’s what makes you beautiful.”