11 ridiculous White House petitions
On the wish lists of Americans: A fully operational Death Star, a nationalized Twinkie industry, and motorcycle-riding "judges" who also act as jury and executioner
The White House's "We the People..." website allows Americans to petition the Obama administration on a variety of issues citizens believe need addressing. Requests range from serious (petition to have the White House publicly acknowledge the U.S. drone program) to self-interested (federally legalize weed now!) to completely absurd (have Vice-President Joe Biden serve as Guy Fieri's sidekick on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives). Most are angry with the administration, with roughly 70 percent of current petitions asking that individual states — like Texas — be allowed to peacefully secede. What's more: Anyone can create a petition, with the caveat that each request must garner 25,000 signatures in order to be considered for an official White House response. Presented without comment (and in no particular order), here are 11 of the most ridiculous White House petitions awaiting signatures:
1. Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016
Total signatures: 1,428
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2. Allow United States military service members to place their hands in their pockets
Total signatures: 3,730
3. Deport everyone that signed a petition to withdraw their state from the USA
Total signatures: 25,879
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4. Build a statue of Master Chief Petty Officer Spartan John-117 on the White House lawn
Total signatures: 4,526
5. Nationalize the Twinkie industry
Total signatures: 3,998
6. Establish new legal system of motorcycle riding "judges" who serve as police, judge, jury, and executioner all in one
Total signatures: 2,972
7. Give us back our incandescent light bulbs!
Total signatures: 1,358
8. Provide university graduates ability to trade their diplomas back for 100 percent tuition refunds
Total signatures: 1,193
9. Have the President attend a Fark.com party. If scheduling does not permit, at least have a beer with Drew Curtis.
Total signatures: 1,111
10. Transfer funds from the drug war to fund the research and development of the genetic engineering of domestic cat girls
Total signatures: 838
11. Shut down White House petitions, since they never get a sincere response, few read them & they are ultimately worthless
Total signatures: 852
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